} All one has to do is register as a whaling captain (letter of the law,
} and all that). This is fairly simple; just buy a whaling boat, and the
} whaling captain registration is free (in certain jurisdictions;
} postage and taxes may apply).
} To make sure the IRS doesn't view this as a tax dodge, you'll need to
} hire out a crew.
} The crew will expect to get paid on a fairly regular basis, so they'll
} need to, you know, do some actual whaling.
} You'll have to accompany them - not only is it expected, but you have
} to keep an eye on your investment. That, and you can't really be a
} captain of a ship if you've never stepped on board, can you?
} Once you kill your first whale, it becomes a little easier after that.
} Soon you'll get used to it, and view the whales as vicious, cruel, and
} out to get you. So, obviously, they deserve to be hunted down.
} Whaling is pretty dangerous work. Anything out on the open seas is
} incredibly dangerous, in fact. It might not happen your first trip
} out, or even your fifteenth, but eventually you'll be out whaling and
} you'll get into an accident, and you'll get back to shore, but the
} doctors will say that it's been too long, and they'll have to
} Now you'll be mighty mad at the whale that did this to you, and,
} rather than take responsibility for your own failures, you'll charter
} a new expedition to hunt down and kill that whale that cost you your
} [arm | leg | eyetooth].
} The next thing you know, you'll have the whale in sight, but at the
} critical moment, the harpoon will miss. So blinded with revenge,
} you'll reach down to clear the line, only to have it wrap around you
} and pull you beneath the waves.
} So, on second thought: no, you really shouldn't.
} You owe the Oracle a version of Moby Dick without all the boring
} chapters (which, admittedly, make up most of the book).