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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why do I run out of toilet paper only when I am on the "throne"? It > would be a lot easier if it would run out while I was standing in front > of the linen closet, where we keep the spare rolls.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Somehow, I'm not sure I want to hear about what you end up doing } instead.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I asked you for a sign. I said, "Give me a sign." You replied "-". > > So I tried again, and you said, "OUT TO LUNCH". > > Well, I thought maybe I spelled something wrong, and I asked, "Give me > a sing." > > You sang, "OUT TO LUNCH - BACH IN A FUGUE MINUETS" to a tune by > Leonardo DaVinci, which I thought was rather appropriate of my error. > Fancy, but like his helicopter, it didn't work. > > Well, then I spelled it "sign" again and you gave me Taurus. You did > this three times. Taurus. Taurus. Taurus. What a pile of Taurus. > > I began to get the message. > > I think I was born under the Wrong Sign. Can you get my horoscope > changed to Draco or O'Ryan or maybe Cloepatra. Some better > constarnation than what my mother gave me? (And yes indeed, that was > Taurus.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Your sign is obviously Gemini. You see, I could never have sung you } "OUT TO LUNCH - BACH IN A FUGUE MINUETS to a tune by Leonardo DaVinci" } because this is just a stream of plain text sent to your computer. } You're obviously delusional, having intricate conversations with } yourself. Furthermore, you display a high degree of paranoia, imagining } that the person you're having these conversations with, i.e. your other } self, is out to play tricks on you with snarky responses. So I hence } dub thee Gemini. I wonder if that even means anything though, as I'm } sure you've already given yourself another stupid pun as a response.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Etiam urna > ipsum, hendrerit nec mattis nec, pellentesque ac erat. Sed eget varius > neque. Morbi erat eros, congue in pharetra in, lacinia sit amet ipsum. > Proin orci nibh, lobortis ac dignissim et, lacinia posuere arcu. Sed > at enim purus, eget aliquam augue. Duis dui lectus, sollicitudin ac > vestibulum sed, commodo ullamcorper magna. Sed lobortis luctus nulla, > in fringilla diam consectetur non. Sed arcu turpis, elementum eu > lobortis eget, bibendum vitae ligula. Praesent varius nisl vitae purus > cursus dictum non sit amet justo. In nec nunc massa. > > Mauris interdum bibendum nisl id congue. Vivamus turpis turpis, > blandit ut tempor nec, semper sed leo. Donec tincidunt bibendum eros, > ac euismod justo rhoncus sit amet. Praesent augue turpis, vestibulum > sit amet congue varius, tincidunt id quam. Phasellus massa velit, > consequat nec laoreet eu, molestie quis nulla. Sed tincidunt, diam > eget lobortis dignissim, neque turpis ullamcorper lectus, at aliquam > magna ante vel sapien. Praesent nisi nunc, mattis et pharetra vel, > vehicula nec tortor. > > Mauris et mauris nibh. Mauris eu bibendum justo. In mattis rhoncus > felis, nec pulvinar metus mattis vel. Donec consequat purus et enim > mollis eget elementum elit egestas. Aliquam varius elit vel enim > mattis convallis quis sed est. Praesent ut arcu sed odio molestie > pretium in eu nibh. Donec in massa dui, non tincidunt ipsum. Mauris > tempus ultricies condimentum. > > Sed congue tristique convallis. Maecenas arcu eros, gravida quis > molestie sit amet, adipiscing vitae libero. Ut ornare odio viverra > enim dignissim sit amet molestie massa facilisis. Phasellus at lectus > at dui molestie convallis eget quis augue. Sed sagittis, sapien in > elementum lobortis, quam urna cursus nunc, vel interdum sapien diam eu > augue. Curabitur condimentum sollicitudin ipsum at luctus. Integer a > dui at felis convallis venenatis vitae nec magna. Praesent eget nulla > at nulla varius vehicula. Nullam ut dignissim enim. Nam quis libero ut > nunc luctus vulputate. Morbi at molestie nisl. Duis vel ante magna, > quis tristique sem. Nulla sollicitudin augue in urna pretium > elementum. Pellentesque fringilla mauris a eros feugiat ut ornare eros > vulputate. Aenean sed justo sed enim euismod mattis. > > Morbi vehicula ligula in sapien tempus vitae dictum lorem dignissim. > In quam arcu, sagittis ac tempus vitae, pellentesque et felis. Proin > id nulla sed odio interdum semper at et nunc. In hac habitasse platea > dictumst. Fusce dignissim tellus eu lacus scelerisque eget viverra dui > hendrerit. Morbi sapien erat, molestie id ultrices vel, porta eu > libero. Donec at enim magna. Morbi elementum, tortor in egestas > bibendum, felis augue varius massa, sit amet aliquam orci sem a lacus. > Proin condimentum viverra nisl eget sagittis. Duis ante justo, cursus > sit amet facilisis eu, sodales et ipsum. Fusce quam erat, sagittis sit > amet pellentesque sit amet, condimentum ac diam. Proin gravida leo ut > lectus sagittis ac faucibus risus tincidunt. Phasellus viverra leo id > neque ultricies varius. Sed scelerisque, metus vitae gravida euismod, > risus turpis venenatis tellus, a volutpat leo purus consequat purus. > > Sed sagittis sapien egestas ligula mattis eu eleifend nibh egestas. > Quisque pharetra porttitor elit, sit amet euismod urna faucibus eget. > Praesent sollicitudin, massa in consequat dapibus, metus libero > rhoncus nunc, eget elementum mi mi a diam. Donec velit libero, gravida > nec sollicitudin vel, accumsan nec leo. Sed consequat accumsan > ultricies. Vivamus feugiat tortor quis lorem accumsan volutpat. Donec > faucibus vulputate quam vel consectetur. Proin felis mauris, elementum > sed semper quis, porttitor eu ligula. In vitae augue id felis > ullamcorper iaculis. Curabitur eros erat, accumsan sit amet eleifend > id, ultrices et ante. > > Quisque ullamcorper euismod enim ut mattis. Nulla laoreet commodo > mauris. Etiam erat magna, suscipit vel scelerisque at, molestie ut > ipsum. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Sed ac > ipsum quis diam posuere consectetur eget cursus magna. Nunc auctor > libero sed odio interdum blandit. Nulla erat libero, imperdiet at > auctor malesuada, bibendum sed lorem. Sed elementum elit quis tortor > sollicitudin pharetra. Vivamus ullamcorper nunc at tellus fringilla > fringilla. Aenean vulputate gravida elit bibendum fringilla. > Vestibulum nisl odio, bibendum non tempor eu, bibendum et metus. > Phasellus imperdiet ultrices auctor. > > Nullam sem nisi, scelerisque ut tincidunt vel, bibendum vel nunc. > Proin viverra neque vel magna ullamcorper ut varius magna semper. > Maecenas in urna enim, vel sagittis elit. Duis in mi eget libero > malesuada dictum. Donec et nibh vel leo lobortis dictum id ut velit. > Fusce at urna neque, non eleifend arcu. Cum sociis natoque penatibus > et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. > > Nunc sit amet ante erat, id tincidunt nibh. Nam vel libero vel massa > pretium egestas. Praesent augue lacus, rutrum in posuere non, aliquam > ultrices metus. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et > netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Aenean ultrices tincidunt > urna at sodales. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Curabitur faucibus > aliquam volutpat. Etiam ullamcorper, nisl et cursus condimentum, risus > velit gravida neque, et porttitor magna nisi eget enim. Nullam turpis > turpis, dictum et tempus id, pellentesque non libero. Donec orci nibh, > sodales et dictum vitae, facilisis pulvinar urna. > > Morbi vel est sem. Phasellus mi massa, scelerisque nec varius id, > pulvinar et turpis. Sed sed ipsum iaculis elit ullamcorper interdum. > Proin porttitor molestie quam, eu ornare nisl suscipit at. Proin > vulputate pharetra ultrices. Pellentesque nisi odio, euismod quis > egestas ut, bibendum non massa. Donec dignissim urna ut erat fermentum > feugiat. Nulla erat tellus, auctor et ornare non, bibendum a lectus. > Ut lobortis porta risus et lacinia. > > Mauris ut fermentum justo. Integer pulvinar dapibus laoreet. Quisque > posuere faucibus nisi vitae tempor. Nulla facilisi. Quisque nec nisl > odio, in porta metus. Nunc volutpat felis eget velit porttitor mattis. > Aenean tincidunt, lectus vitae viverra adipiscing, sapien ipsum > rhoncus orci, at molestie erat lectus id quam. Fusce lacinia est non > diam congue eu aliquam nisl elementum. > > Vestibulum urna massa, congue in convallis sit amet, volutpat commodo > nisi. Donec ut nisi vitae velit condimentum semper. Suspendisse > suscipit tincidunt nisi, a vestibulum lectus blandit vel. In quis > tellus eros. Nullam velit ipsum, semper et sodales vitae, placerat ut > ligula. Donec lacinia est quis augue tempus tincidunt. Cras facilisis, > mi non luctus faucibus, purus erat auctor nulla, et lacinia magna > mauris vitae lectus. Nam quis mauris turpis, vitae semper magna. Donec > sit amet odio nisi. Aliquam nec risus nec quam condimentum fermentum. > Integer felis risus, ornare vel egestas nec, hendrerit at neque. Nulla > lobortis, urna sed facilisis lacinia, diam lorem euismod dolor, sed > aliquam odio nulla et odio.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Supplicant, I hate to tell you this, but in spite of how it looks, I } really don't think this meets your requirement of a 1000-word essay.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I take it the riddle troll is gone now?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hin't.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Now I'm so sleepy you would not believe it.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh, give it a rest.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is the worst metaphor you've ever come across?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "The Cloud." } } The old word "automagically" was invented by nerds for nerds and was } understood to be a silly term meaning, "Neat programming happens here; } you needn't bother worrying about it, but you can read the code if you } want to." } } "The Cloud" is a marketing metaphor for, "We'll do stuff for you over } here on our machine, via the Internet. Don't worry that we might screw } up, or hold your data hostage, or later turn the whole affair into a } contract of adhesion. We aren't bad guys, because we say so. You really } shouldn't try to understand."

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm sorry, contestant, but although your response is correct, in } Paradox Jeopardy all non-answers must be phrased in the form of } non-questions.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Orrie, let's play Go.  I'll need at least 10 stones from you, no doubt; > you're that good.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ok, here's 11 } } Mick Jagger } Keith Richards } Charlie Watts } Ronnie Wood } } Past members } Brian Jones } Ian Stewart } Bill Wyman } Tony Chapman } Dick Taylor } Mick Taylor } Carlo Little

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Test. I hope that didn't cause any issues.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No way.  You need something funny - ten funny things, actually - to } create an issue.  At best, you only made ten percent of one.  With my } help, that is.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> It seemed like a good idea. I got this e-mail promising a Supple-mental > income. Just the right thing for a Suppli-can't like me. > > So I sent them my bank info like they said and they promised to double > my money, and now my bank says my account is empty. How long will it > take them to double my money and put it back in the bank? It's been two > years already.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Clearly they DID double your money; they just had to reduce it to $0 } first.