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} There was once a man named Ali Baba who lived in a small village.
} One day, when he was walking his goat, he heard a great, thunderous
} noise coming from over the mountain. Louder and louder it got, so he
} and his goat decided to hide behind a rock. Suddenly, 40,000 thieves
} came pouring over the hill! Once they were all in the valley, the
} leader spoke, "Open sesame!" to the mountain wall, and a giant cave
} opened up! The thieves all started pouring into the cave with all the
} loot that they had amassed.
}
} After the door closed, Ali Baba was so surprised that he sat there
} thinking of what had just transpired. Within a few minutes, the ground
} started to shake again, and he saw the mountain wall open up again,
} whereupon all 40,000 thieves came charging out on their horses and
} riding off into the distance for their next plunder. After he was sure
} they left, Ali Baba took his goat and went to the wall, thinking, "If I
} could only get a little of that gold those thieves left behind, surely
} I'd be rich enough not to have to walk this stupid goat around
} anymore."
}
} So, Ali Baba spoke the words he remembered the leader saying: "Open
} sesame!" and the mountain opened up for him. Taking his goat along, he
} wandered down a long, dark passage, finally reaching a room glittering
} with gold and jewels, rugs and vases, and all sorts of wonderful
} treasure! Thinking quickly, he grabbed some sacks lying nearby and
} started filling them with as much treasure as he could. He then loaded
} them onto the goat. "At least you're good for something today, you dumb
} animal," he said as he started walking back to the village with his
} newfound riches.
}
} Little did he know, there was one thief still inside the cave! This
} thief hid when he heard Ali Baba stomping down the passage with the
} bah's of the goat. He watched Ali Baba fill up all his sacks of
} treasure, and then slyly followed him back to the village, taking note
} of where Ali Baba lived. The thief then ran back to the hideout, and
} reported to the leader as soon as the horde returned. "Sire, I saw a
} village man rob us of much of our treasures today, and followed him
} back to his home in the village." The leader was enraged. "How dare
} someone steal from me! Who is he? I want him dead! I want his family
} dead!"
}
} So, all the thieves gathered up and rode out to the village the
} next day. They slaughtered everyone and burned all the houses down,
} paying special care to Ali Baba's home. Satisfied at having gotten
} their revenge and recovering their treasure, the thieves returned to
} their cave.
}
} Now, Ali Baba happened to be out walking his goat again, and when
} he returned, there was the village all laid waste! He ran over to the
} burning heap of his old home, hoping to heaven the treasure was still
} underneath the rubble. There he was, sifting desperately through the
} ash of his house, tossing the bones of family members left and right
} searching for his newfound wealth. After all hope was lost, he sat
} down, sad and depressed that all his hopes of a better life had just
} been destroyed. "Now I'll never get rid of this goat," he sighed.
}
} After Ali Baba was done moping, he got up and looked around. "No,
} not this time," he thought to himself. Ali Baba had decided it was time
} to take matters into his own hands. "They took everything I've ever
} loved: they took my home, they took my treasure, they took my dreams,"
} Ali Baba said as he stepped over his wife's bones, "...now I'll take
} their lives!" Scavenging around, he found an old sword one of the
} thieves must have dropped. Picking up the weapon, he then disrobed
} himself and tied his turban around his head like a bandana. "This time,
} it's personal," he spoke. Ali Baba then mounted the goat and plodded
} off to the mountain cave. Once there, he rode straight up to the cave
} wall and yelled, "Open sesame!" When the great door had opened, Ali
} Baba began to ride slowly down the passage, preparing himself for the
} inevitable onslaught.
}
} The thieves were all eating, drinking, and reveling in their
} plunders and adventures when all of a sudden, a half-naked man on a
} goat appeared from the passage! All 40,000 thieves stopped and marveled
} at the absurdity of this wonder. Seizing the moment, Ali Baba, sitting
} on his goat with sword in hand, sized up his opponents. "I am here," he
} declared, "to kick ass and eat falafel. And I'm all out of falafel."
} Ali Baba then charged as fast as the goat could carry him into the
} stunned horde, swinging his sword left and right in a fury. Heads hit
} the floor, limbs flew from side to side, and bodies dropped heavy to
} the ground as Ali Baba hacked his way through to the center of the
} room. When he drew close, the leader of the thieves stood up, with his
} mighty spear in his hand, and roared, "Who is the dead man who thinks
} he can--" But he never got to finish those words, as Ali Baba ripped
} his sword across the leader's throat as easily as a hot knife through
} butter as he plowed past in his fury.
}
} When all was done, those who were not slain had fled far away from
} the massacre, as the sight of the skinny little naked man on a goat,
} both now red as a roaring flame by the blood of his enemies, was too
} much for them to take. Ali Baba then got off his goat and looked at
} what he had done. "Now it's all mine! Surely my dreams have been
} resurrected this day," he said, and so overcome with joy was he that he
} took the mighty goat that had carried him through the grand assault and
} slaughtered it. After feasting on the goat, he then loaded up as many
} of the thieves' horses that he could find with as much treasure he
} could find, and rode off in the direction of the next town, there to
} settle down and live happily ever after.
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