|
} Firstly, congratulations on your maturity. You wouldn't believe how
} many questions I get from immature supplicants (actually, you probably
} would; you're old enough to be sufficiently cynical about these
} things).
} Secondly, thank you for keeping me up-to-date on your attempts to pay
} me. Most supplicants don't bother with this, and seem to think I'll
} forget. Like an elephant, I never forget. Like Ko-Ko, I have a little
} list, and they'll none of 'em be missed.
}
} As you will no doubt recall, the ornithopter was to replace the one
} Zadoc destroyed in his doomed attempt to bring me back some ice from a
} comet to put in my martini. Perhaps I should have told him about the
} freezer compartment in the Oracular fridge. No matter.
}
} One word of advice on the ornithopter (you'll need it for the next
} bit): don't use peanuts coated in cyanide to kill the pigeons, use
} strychnine instead. I tried the 'peanuts-in-cyanide' trick once and
} got into so much trouble with the park-keeper; who knew you had to put
} up warning signs, "These cyanide-laced peanuts may contain nuts"?
}
} Anyway, I digress.
}
} In order to create the double-density gold (or indeed any
} double-density material), you will need the following:
} One ornithopter (check)
} One space-readiness kit for same
} One same
} One pair bolt-cutters
} One key for Fort Knox
} One coil of rope
} One map of the Milky Way
} Entire works of Marcel Proust.
} Entire works of Marcel Marceau. On audio tape.
}
} 1) Fly the ornithopter to Fort Knox (anything else won't get under
} their radar, but they were getting too many false positives from
} pigeons so they've turned off the pigeon-detectors).
} 2) Break into Fort Knox using the bolt cutters and the key. This
} should be straightforward.
} 3) Steal two tons of gold (or more, if you prefer).
} 4) Adapt your ornithopter for space-flight.
} 5) Fly to the centre of the Milky Way. You may need the books and
} tapes for in-flight entertainment.
} 6) Carefully lower the two tons of gold half-way into Sagittarius A*
} (a black-hole), using the rope.
} 7) The gravitational field of the black-hole will cause the gold to be
} crushed to double its original density.
} 8) Pull the gold back out of the black-hole. If this turns out to be
} impossible (according to Einstein, it is), then I suggest that you go
} in after it, and wait until the black-hole evaporates and you emerge,
} with the gold. Admittedly, you might not be in the same shape as when
} you went in, but that's not important.
} 9) Fly back to Earth. Note: your map may be out-of-date by this point.
}
} If only all supplicants were as willing as you to settle their debts.
}
} You owe the Oracle a better way of testing his new invention that
} halves the density of everything put into it.
|
![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
