|
} Voice-over: Wow, that response could lose John the game. Let's see what
} questions and answers we've had so far in this game of ... TWENTYYYY
} QUESTIONS!
}
} VO: So, John's chosen item is The Internet Oracle. Trudi has twenty
} questions in which to work this out.
}
} Trudi: Animal, vegetable, or mineral?
}
} John: Animal.
}
} VO: Close enough, although technically the Oracle is an omniscient
} being who exists outside time and space and supersedes all human
} conceptions of animal.
}
} Trudi: Land-dwelling or water-dwelling?
}
} John: Land-dwelling.
}
} VO: Again, technically, not true. Although the outward manifestations
} of the Oracle, i.e. the priests, are usually land dwelling, the Oracle
} him/her/itself is obviously neither, existing outside reality as we
} understand it. Also, the Oracle has more than once felt him/her/itself
} to be closer to dolphins. I quote, "Why do these blasted humans keep
} sending me these stupid questions? I wish I only had to listen to
} dolphins' questions. At least they understand quantum mechanics."
}
} Trudi: Bird or mammal?
}
} John: Mammal.
}
} VO: Technically, ...
}
} Producer in VO's ear: Look, if you use the word "technically" one more
} time, you're sacked, right! I've had it up to here with your smart-alec
} comments. This is supposed to be a family quiz-show, not some
} philosophical, pedantic, know-it-all, let's laugh at dumb humanity,
} show.
}
} VO: Inasmuch, ...
}
} PIVOE: That's not much better...
}
} VO: Yes, er..., well, Trudi has of course forgotten insects, but no one
} seems to have spotted that.
}
} Trudi: Human or non-human?
}
} John: Human.
}
} VO: Well, technically...
}
} PIVOE: Last warning...
}
} VO: (losing his temper) Look, it doesn't help that the Oracle is an
} ill-defined concept in the first place, and transcends existence.
} Almost everything you can say about him/her/it is demonstrably false in
} some way. Whose stupid idea was it to give John the Oracle as a subject
} anyway?
}
} PIVOE: Mine! You're fired!
}
} Trudi: Living or dead?
}
} John: Living.
}
} VO: [Sound-effects of smashing glass, and of a microphone being trodden
} upon. Heavily.]
}
} Trudi: Famous or infamous?
}
} John: Famous.
}
} New VO: Unless you count all the people who have been zotted.
}
} Trudi: Best known for being clever or stupid?
}
} John: Clever.
}
} NVO: Some have said too clever by half, but never mind.
}
} Trudi: Intellectual or politician?
}
} John: Intellectual.
}
} NVO: Trudi just wasted a question there...
}
} Trudi: Is this person a scientist?
}
} John: Er, yes.
}
} NVO: The Oracle of course was present when Archimedes went looking for
} a towel, when Isaac Newton looked up and said, "that's odd, I could
} have sworn this was a pear tree", and when Einstein approved the patent
} for the paperclip and got fired.
}
} Trudi: Does this person communicate only using a computer?
}
} John: Yes!
}
} Trudi: Is is Stephen Hawking?
}
} John: No.
}
} Trudi: Does this person know anything about marmots?
}
} John: Err... [stuttering and starting to panic]
}
} NVO: The Oracle has famously never answered a single question about
} marmots, leading some to believe that he/she/it has a blind-spot about
} them.
}
} John: ... I'm not sure.
}
} NVO: And Trudi looks as though she knows the answer...
}
} Trudi: Is it the Internet Oracle?
}
} [ Klaxon sound effects and flashing lights. ]
}
} Host: And we have a winner! Trudi goes through to the next round of
} "Twenty Questions". John, you get this cuddly toy.
}
} [ Closing music ]
}
} You owe the Oracle some certainty in life.
|
![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
