Goto:

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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I was debating someone earlier and wondered: Why do some people feel > they need to cuss when they debate?  It doesn't strengthen a person's > arguments any.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I think you are just hanging out at the wrong sort of } debate society. The name "Master Debaters Come First" } should have been your first clue. The debate you } participated in ("Resolved: Mewling quims are hungry } cats") was supposed to be a rollicking (and randy) send } up of typical debate topics. That you didn't get this } led your opponent to drop some colorful hints. } } You owe the Oracle a fully equipped f-bomb shelter.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hi!  Sorry I'm late.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Burial chamber for the Late Supplicant is 19th door on the right. } Please be quiet, and be careful opening the chamber door. It squeaks } horridly.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> We are the Borg. Lower your shields and surrender your computers. We > will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. > Your culture will adapt to service us. Resistance is futile.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You like to fantasize about being powerful, asshole. But in reality } those of us who are marginalized and oppressed by you assholes are } truly powerful. We speak truth to power. We will triumph over you } dictatorial shit heads in the end.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> That's the problem with absolute statements

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} But aren't they better than rhetorical questions?

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> while(1){ > system("copy C:\me C:\"); > }

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Getting to your roots, eh?

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hey Orrie, > I've just been mailed what looks like > a fully functional staff of Zot. > Is it yours?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is a faithful image (via e-mail) of a Staff of ZOT. It will work } exactly as well as any other image of such a staff, that is to say it } is totally harmless. } } NO, DON'T POINT THAT THING AT YOUR MOTHER! } } The Oracle owes you an urn for your mother. } } You owe the Oracle half of whatever you earn panhandling as an orphan.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Got any old passwords I can have?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You can't have 12345, I'm already using it on my luggage.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> While in the middle of an imagined conversation that I guess we > didn't actually have, I thought that I had complained to you about an > important question that I had written earlier, on a previous occasion. > Unfortunately, so it seems, I thought I had written "impotent question" > by mistake. > > As you can easily see, no spelling corrector is going to catch that > kind of error, so your perspicacious wisdom (including the ability > to discern what I mean when I have no blinking idea of what I said) > would have helped. If only you had been there. > > If you were a supplicant like me, instead of an Omniscient Oracle like > you, what would you do to prevent making errors instead of mistakes?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Imagine no spell checkers } I wonder if you can } No typos or mistakes } And no errors, too } } Imagine all the supplicants } Pondering in peace } } You may say I'm the Oracle } I'm not like you supplicant } And what's really important } Unlike you I'm not impotent } } Or so I imagine. } } You owe the Oracle an impotent question about mistaken errors.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why do people try to get out of jury duty?  I would think it an > honor.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Some believe, most likely correctly, that they are mentally unsuited } for the task. Would you want your fate determined by twelve } people whose sole thoughts during trial were, "I'd rather be } drinking football and watching beer!"?

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How does that one song go?  "In the Internet, the quiet Internet, the > trolls all sleep tonight."  Or something.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-neh } Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-neh } } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } } In the internet, the quiet internet } The trolls all sleep tonight } In the internet, the quiet internet } The trolls all sleep tonight } } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } } Near the hub, the peaceful hub } The NSA sleeps tonight } Near the hub, the quiet hub } The NSA sleeps tonight } } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } } Hush Ed Snowden, don't fear Ed Snowden } The internet sleeps tonight } Hush Ed Snowden, don't cry Ed Snowden } The internet sleeps tonight } } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } Ennessay, ennessay, ennessay, ennessay } } Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-neh } Ee-e-e-oh-mum-a-neh } } You owe the Oracle the lyrics to Eddie Crack Code and I Don't Care.