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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm so proud of you, Oracle.  You always pull through in the end.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That's awfully nice of you, but I've been feeling kind of awful lately } and honestly I don't know why I do this any more, so it's not really } accurate. You wouldn't happen to have any of those horrible VCR-tape } thingies, would you? ...nah, thought not. } } Sorry to burst your little bubble of hope for the universe, man } (and/or woman and/or indeterminate thing/creature/robot/ace of } spades/animate pumpkin), but I'm afraid this is just the way it is. } The Universe hates me. I hate the Universe. Who had to go and create } the place anyway? Whoever they are, I'd like to find them and give } them a good kick in the rear for inventing me along with it, because } it's OBVIOUSLY ALL THEIR FAULT. I'd feel so much better if I wasn't } invented by a madman with a talent for disorganization. Thanks, "god." } } I need a drink. } } You owe the Oracle one of those neat DIY "Bring About The Apocalypse } In Your Basement" kits and a twelve-step plan for self-improvement, } followed by an appointment with your psychiatrist. Oh, and a glass of } lager.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> from zeus@olimpus.gr: > On guard!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Zeus, dude. } } I know things are tough and you have a lot of extra time on your hands } with your fan base shrinking to almost nothing, but like I told you } last week, a play-by-email fencing simulation game is not going to be a } big win for you.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Danica Patrick has crashed more than Windows 3.1. Is she trying to > prove all the negative stereotypes about women drivers?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, that's not it at all. Try to understand, she's tring to emulate her } new sponsor, GoDaddy.com. They crash all the time, too.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> If Captain Kidd and Jack Sparrow came from the wingless social insects > of the magician Teller's partner, would they be a Gilbert and Sullivan > musical.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I owe Lanthe! I owe Lanthe! Wait a minute, no I don't. } } Ahh, of course. "Alas, who loves a spaceman?" With "Little Asteroid"?? } No, that's not quite right. } } Rigatoni? No, that's pasta. } } These riddles aren't worth the trouble. You're probably thinking of one } of these alternate titles, such as The Slave of Duty. } } You owe the Oracle a list of the chemical elements, set to a possibly } recognizable tune.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Asshole. Maylasian flight. What did you do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Asshole. Not Funny. People could be dead. One more of those and you're } banned.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> where does my soul go after I get my picture taken?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It is still within you. What happens is that it gets pregnant of a 2D } soul that is born as the flash vanishes. You didn't know because they } are incredibly difficult to see them in profile. } You owe the Oracle a Klein bottle.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh wonderous Oracle of higher mathmatics... > > 2b || !2b?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer } The computer programming metaphors, } Or plain old math....

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Are there mites on the sun?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There mite be.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> from zeus@olimpus.gr: > <wields a thunderbolt> On guard!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hey Zeus.. (Or is that "Jesus"?) } } You really should think about upgrading your phone. } That one was a great model and all.. the first to have 4G on Verizon. } But I understand the battery only lasts about 10 minutes, so all you } can do is physically assault people with it. } } Maybe if you actually called little Hercules every once in awhile, you } wouldn't have so much anger built up inside.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> A dream within a dream

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} If I ever catch you sleeping on the job again, you're gonna regret it!