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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hi Orrie, please fill in this attached form.  I know it looks like a > blank sheet, but it's a form.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} NAME: Oracle Most Wise } PROFESSION: Oracle Most Wise } DATE OF BIRTH: 9,000,000,000 BC } ADDRESS: Everywhere and Nowhere } MAILING ADDRESS: 7861 Coconut Alley, Encino CA } WORK EXPERIENCE: } 1. Incorporeal Entity of Light } Responsibilities: Glowing with the Light Divine in a Cosmos of pure } being, consciousness, and bliss. } Other duties as required. } } 2. Chosen One of the Gods } Responsibilities: Casting the oracular prognostications for a gathering } of 10,000 ancient tribes using such methods as: pyromancy, cartomancy, } anthropomancy, augury, dowsing, gematria, geomancy, horoscopy, scrying, } nancymancy, and touching bumpy things. } } 3. Supreme Arch-Druid of the Sacred Groves } Responsibilities: Running around naked, painting myself blue, } overseeing a cult of 5,000 arch-duids, grand druids, druids, and } acolytes in the regions of East Anglia, Gaul, and Hispana. Occasional } mead-soaked orgies as required. } } 4. High Priest of the Sun, Tegulchpotlitlanacoatl } Responsibilities: Forecasting future events effecting the kingdom of } Xenochtitlanoapl by means of extracting vital organs from sacrificial } victims. Occasional bloodbaths and getting shot by Spaniards as } required. } } 5. Moon Fox the Ghost Dancer, Great Plains } Responsibilities: Overseeing the cultivation and ritual harvesting of } peyote. Imbibing of sacred peyote drink in tribal ritual of the Vision. } Seeing the vision of the Great White Bull at sunet in the equinox as my } people sang the song of their Grandfathers. Filing and collating as } required. } } REFERENCES: } Great God YHVH, Whose Name Must Not Be Spoken } } Spirit of the Great White Bull Tatanka } } Bob Kessler, Regional Sales Director for Sta-Puft Marchmallows, Inc.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle, will you say a few words?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Golf ball. Orange. Durango. Sweater. } } You owe the Oracle a Thesaurus written by Paul Stanley from KISS.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I need advice on my career. I was thinking of being an astrologer, but > I would need to learn Higher Mathematics so I could count the stars. I > would also need to learn about the mysterious letter "g" as in gravity, > the force that hold our destiny together. I read somewhere that density > is specifically gravity with g. > > So, putting g and astrologer together I came up with gastrologer, which > obviously has something to do with food, and I think I like that > better, as you maybe can tell from my round shape. > > Where can I find a good School of Gastrology? Or if not, then at least > a good School of Astrology where they won't try to force me to learn > math? Krikers, how I hate math!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I believe you may start your search by looking up your black hole.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle most wise, is there a - dang.  Someone already did that one. > You don't think they'd be upset if I did something similar, do you?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes, there is a Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, flying saucer in Area } 51, Great Pumpkin, God, dyslexic dog, conspiracy to [lots of these], } reason to [lots of these, too], infinite number of parallel universes, } person who looks exactly like you (but without the wart), gender } wage gap, ADHD, black hole at the center of the Milky Way, system } to win at Blackjack, free will, antimatter, ninth planet, } predestination, evolution, monster under your bed, justice, creator, } file that Windows says doesn't exist, life after death, doctor in the } house, cure for smallpox, consensus on global warming and, finally, } yes, there is an app for that. } } You owe the Oracle a video of philosopher Rene Descartes } saying, "I think not."

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Yes!  There is a gosh!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Golly, you're right! } } You owe the Oracle a chart detailing how many days he will } spend in purgatory or limbo or hell for using each of these words. } } Heck, , gee, gadzooks, darn, gee whiz, egad, gee willikers, } sheesh, geez, gadzooks, dang, dangnabbit, Judas Priest, ods } bodkins, fudge, shoot, flying leap, by Joe, criminey, tarnation, } cripes, dickens, fiddlesticks, for Pete's sake, Sam Hill, good } grief, suffering succotash, holy mackeral, holy moley, Son of a } biscuit, holy smokes, Son of a gun, land's sake, my word, Oh my, } holy Toledo,  jeepers creepers, goldang, Jiminy Cricket, goldarn, } Judas Priest, good gravy, Jumping Jehosephat, Great Caesar's } Ghost, ticked off, shinola, dadgummit, shucks, sugar, Begorrah, } drat, baloney, and shucks.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> One spell checker isn't always enough.  Do you think I need tow spell > checkers?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} No, your spell checker seems to be working just fine. What you need is } an editor. Not, not one of those programs that you use to enter data } into a computer file. I mean a real editor, one who can read what you } write, understand it, and rewrite it for you in its entirety. For } example: } } Input: } } One spell checker isn't always enough. } } Output: } } "One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do" } --Three Dog Night } } "Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, } Lizard's leg and owlet's wing, } For a charm of powerful trouble, } Like a hell-broth boil and bubble." } --William Shakespeare } } "And our little girl Tricia, the 6-year-old named it Checkers. And you } know, the kids, like all kids, love the dog and I just want to say this } right now, that regardless of what they say about it, we're gonna keep } it." } -- Richard Nixon } } "It depend on what the meaning of the word 'is' is" } --Bill Clinton } } "One is all right, two is too many, three is not enough." }  -- James Thurber } } "When the first streak of day began to show we tied up to a towhead } in a big bend on the Illinois side" } --Mark Twain } } Isn't that what you meant to say?

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I hear tell that you are good with words. Can you write > a synopsis for this paper?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sure thing. } } Short version: } "Contains words." } } Long version: } "Caution--contains needless words." } } Advice: } Omit needless words.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Ex-squeeze me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, you are not the first one to experience that after a divorce.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm not sure if I'm doeing the right thing. And there is no instruction > I could read... :(

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Instructions are in Gen. 38:9-10. Use the right hand, and shake twice } but no more, lest you sin.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Occasionally, your in-jokes die or get crippled.  But they come back. > Are they anomalies in the space-time continuum or something?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Of course, the Oracle utilizes the latest in flashback and recovery } technology!  Allow me to demonstrate!  (Just to demonstrate the power, } I'm gonna utilize one of the older, believed to be retired, in-jokes } here.) } } HEY!  KENDAI!  GET YOUR LAZY BUTT IN HERE! } } -Yo! Wazzu... } } *ZOT* } } See?  Only dust left!  A few years back, I would have to do a point in } time recovery of the whole temple and staff to an alternate reality, } then copy Kendai from there.  A real PITA, but watch now! } } FLASHBACK KENDAI TO BEFORE ZOT; } } -...p, guv? } } Nothing, Kendai, you may leave. } } See how much easier that was?  That's what I call progress! } } You owe the Oracle a question involving each and every in-joke the } Oracle ever had.