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} *Sigh* I do wish you'd make proper use of the Manual. It explains all
} of this rather simply. All you have to do is walk straight into the
} pasture until you encounter Cornelius from Planet of the Apes sitting
} down to tea. On the table is a vase of daffodils. Ask him for one. He
} will give you one, and when you get up from the table (and do make sure
} you've finished your tea first), the pasture will turn into the lobby
} of the Badrutt's Palace Hotel in Zurich. Walk over to the check-in
} counter and tell the clerk you've never had a social disease (even if
} you have). He will jump up and down saying "WHOOP-WHOOP!" On the 125th
} "WHOOP" slap him right in the face. Run screaming out of the hotel and
} you will see a very befuddled looking robot holding a silver tea tray
} with a cream-colored envelope addressed to you. Tip the robot (a
} minimum of one dollar U.S. currency) and take the envelope. Inside you
} will find an autographed picture of William Shatner and a train-station
} locker key with the number 7429 on it. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! IT MUST
} BE WILLIAM SHATNER AND NOT BELLA ABZUG OR ELSE YOU WILL HAVE TO START
} OVER!!! Walk back into the Hotel, the interior of which will now have
} turned into an unimaginably huge train station. Find locker #7429. This
} may take you some time. All those train conductors and porters that
} look like Gumby? They won't tell you where it is unless you give them
} the autographed picture of Shatner. However, you're going to need that
} later for a very important physical examination, so don't give it to
} anyone! Once you have found locker 7429, use the key to open it. Inside
} is a blue teddy bear. If it's purple instead of blue, just close the
} door and open it a few times until it's blue. Take the blue teddy bear
} and begin walking in any direction until you see a little girl who's
} crying. Give her the teddy bear. She will stop crying, smile and say,
} "Right this way!" She will lead you into a waiting room with several
} patients reading old magazines and Barry Manilow music piped in over
} small loudspeakers. Sit down. There will be several magazines. Make
} sure you ONLY pick up the January 17, 1979 issue of "Family Circle".
} Once you get to the brownie recipe and the scratch-n-sniff ad for
} Chanel No. 562 (don't bother to sniff. Too old), a doctor in a white
} coat, coke-bottle glasses, and very heavy German accent will come and
} get you. In the examination room, he will bend you over, put on a
} rubber glove and, unless you're very keen on rectal examinations, hand
} him the autographed picture of William Shatner. The blurryness will
} return for a second, you'll find yourself back on the street where you
} started, and a cab will stop in front of you. If the driver is David
} Johansen RUN LIKE HELL!!!! You want Julia Child, NOT David Johansen!!!
} I cannot stress that enough! If you accept a ride from David Johansen,
} the repercussions for your future career will be dire unless your name
} is Bill Murray or Bella Abzug!!!!
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