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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please send me some new south whales. My cousin Edweird says he wants > new south whales for a Xmas present and that they are not the size I > would think, so that means they have to be a lot smaller. That would > mean you can fit one into a attanchmint to your reply. I guess I > spelled that worng. Maybe a picture of a whale would do. He also > mentioned prints of whales.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm out of whales. I have sent him the United Snakes of America.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I wanted to change my password, and I thought I would change it to > *****. The computer was rude to me and said my ***** was too short. How > could it know? My ***** isn't REALLY too short, is it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh, don't worry. Size does not matter, at least not solely. Other } numbers do too. A foreign or special character tends to improve } suitability as well. There's also a good argument that if it stands for } something bigger than initially visible, then despite looking a bit } random at first, it it can be very memorable, which is important, too. } } You owe the Oracle a less male dominated tech industry.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please teach me the "okey-dokey" dance.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You have misunderstood, the Oracle teaches the 'OWie-OWie' dance.  The } lessons include having one of my priests (disguised as the tooth } fairy) sneak into your house, sprinkle Lego pieces, hazel nuts, d4 } dice and marbles around your bed and remove all light bulbs while } you're sleeping.  Then he'll set the smoke detector off. } } You don't owe me anything, I'll get my reward from America's Funniest } Videos. (Oh, I guess I forgot telling you about the night vision } cameras.)

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Gorilla Glue $6.50. } Replacing supplicant's tooth paste: Priceless!

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> This question is about middle initials. As you already know, my middle > initial is W, and yours is, of course I. I am not you, no matter how > appealing that thought may be. At least not now, not precisely now. > > What I want is the middle name of the famous explorer, Dr. Livingstone > I. Presume. I can pretty much guess it's not Internet, like yours. "Dr. > Livingstone Internet Presume" sounds especially stupid, and if it were > my name I would go and hide inside some dark place in Africa. Probably > in a lion or a hittopopamus. For Christmas. > > So who is I?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 'Incarnation'. } } You see, although your history books never mention it, Dr. Livingstone } was a notorious queue drainer.  When the supplicants finally found } him, he fled to Africa in an attempt to escape the lynching mob, but } he didn't count on Stanley's endurance and determination. } } You owe the Oracle more questions.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> ... :-)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Going skinhead would probably be a better idea than a comb over from } your eyebrows.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I didn't ask for this snow. Why do I have it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Someone else, more important than you, asked for it.  That's democracy } for you.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Help me, I can't decide between these clothes or those.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Both make you look equally fat.  PRETTY! PRETTY!  I meant PRETTY! } You look gorgeous in everything! Honest! } } You owe the Oracle 'undo'.  Or a doghouse.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I need some good advice.  Here's a gold coin for payment.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Thank you. Here's my advice: } } Be careful with your money, and don't give away good gold for worthless } words. } } You owe the Oracle the rest of your gold.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's so bad about Communism? It's just about sharing everything. I > don't have anything, and I could sure use a share of what other people > have. Just as long as I don't have to give up my car.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Bad news, supplicant.  You owe the Oracle, well, you know.