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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great Oracle, who uses the Death Star as his ball! > > What would happen if we switched Han and Hope?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} We'd probably get A New Han, and also Hope Solo.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How crazy am I?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Let me link up to your mind to get a good look... Okay... Hmm, I'm } seeing... Oh. Oh my gosh. No. NOOO! Oh the humanity! What's is this...? } AHHH! NOOOO! MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I } CAN'T UNSEE IT! Oh... Oh no, no, never again. Please, never again. } *whimper* } } You're fine.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Don't start that karma stuff again.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Why should I?  It would just come back around again.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> [][][][][][][][] > ][][][][][][][][ > [][][][][][][][] > ][][][][][][][][ > [][][][][][][][]

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Add a few *, $, #, and ! and it will probably be legal perl.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The moon is waxing gibbons. > > Please explain.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It's more than half full, and going ape getting more full.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> The doctor gave me a prescription for diphenhydramine. At least that's > what he said he was doing. > > I was looking at it, and it seems to say, "diphenhydrazine". That's > goddam Rocket Fuel!!! I'll hit the moon! > > What kind of supplications do you want from the moon?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Loony ones, of course!  Those are my favorite! } } (But not the hellishly loony ones from "you know who", of course.)

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My name is John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, and so's yours.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Now there a name I've not heard in a long time.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's the best way to assure the masses?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} By having any of the following: } } 1. Mass appeal } } 2. A mass spectrometer } } 3. A blessing by the Pope? } } No mas! I'm out of ideas unless you want to talk theoretical } physics. } } You owe the Oracle the DVD for Season 8 of the Big Bang Theory.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please translate that earlier answer into Nonswearing.  I don't speak > Swearing.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} %@#$!&& --> Gosh. } $$%^#@  --> Darn. } &#%$@$$ --> Golly-gee-whillikers. } } Everything else follows in exactly the same manner. } } You continue to owe the Oracle some %#@*ing respect.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Was kind: Rewound.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Too late. Blockbuster closed its last store a year and a half ago. } } You owe the Oracle a TRS-80. Hurry, before Radio Shack ... what? } Never mind.