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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Are there really people who treat others like meat?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Yes. They're called cannibals.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm not missing much, am I?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The people who live on the adjoining property, behind your target area, } the ones with the bullet holes in their walls and windows, would } respectfully disagree.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> My Dear Oracle, > > My name is Mr. Emmanuel Obo, I am a senior partner (Attorney) in the > firm of Obo Consults Inc: Private Investigators, Security Consultants > and Financial Managers in Abuja, Nigeria. We are conducting a standard > process investigation on behalf of our late client Jean-Baptiste Chet > who made you his sole beneficiary. We wish to arrange transfer of his > estate to you at the earliest opportunity. > > He left the following items in his will. > > 1) 40,000 metric tonnes of concrete > 2) 24 carpet pythons (deceased) > 3) 85,000 golf balls (used) > 4) 18 mechanical calculators > 5) US$48,000,000 (in coins) > 6) 3,200 packets of instant ramen noodles > 7) 31 oil lanterns (we are able to provide you with sufficient oil at >    cost) > 8) The number 8 > 9) An itemized list of the above on punched cards > > You are at liberty to use your discretion to distribute these objects. > > If you give me positive signals, I will initiate this process towards > a conclusion. > > I await your response. > Respectfully > Emmanuel Obo

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} My Dear Mr. Obo (or should I call you Manny?): } } I have in hand another letter, one in which I am promised matrimony. It } appears to be from a Nigerian widow, a Mrs. Griselle Ojobijou, who } claims once to have been substantially wealthy. She has money tied up } in her late husband's estate. Apparently he was a wealthy banker who } "acquired" assets entrusted to him. } } She would like US$48,000,000 in untraceable notes to rescue the estate } (worth over US$500,000,000) from the inspector's office. Those coins } would do quite well. } } Let me know if you are interested. If you are more or less unmarried } this looks like a chance for a particularly lucrative union. } } Most Sincerely Yours, } T. Internet Oracle

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Password?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sure. Here are several: } } "123456", "password", "12345", "12345678" and "qwerty" } } Si vous etes en France il faut necessairement utiliser "azerty" au lieu } de "qwerty". Meme difference.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I lied about the kimchee.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} YOU OWE THE ORACLE A GALLON OF WATER!

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is the plural of unique?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Multique, of course! } } You owe me a polygoose.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What is the penalty for committing phlebotomy?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} At worst, things could get bloody!

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> For future reference, is this a gun in my pocket, or am I just happy to > see her? (She hasn't actually asked yet; I wanna be prepared.)

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You are unfortunately about to shoot yourself in the foot.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm selling a product that people don't like to hear about, and I want > to send out email ads for it but I want them to think it's from someone > else. How can I prove that I am not the person they want to think I am? > It would be best if I didn't even recognize myself.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You've got the wrong address, Sir. } } The GOP debate is over at Fox News.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What does Jeremy look like without a mustache?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You could have found out that yourself without bothering me.  All } you need is a bit of wax like this: } } *YANK* } } There's your answer.  He looks friggin' furious!