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} Oh, what a wondrous question! For millenia, supplicants have been
} grappling with the question of life, the universe, and purple cars.
} And today, my grovel-free supplicant, you, yes you, are finally going
} to know the answer.
}
} Because I, the Oracle, will tell you why Julius Caesar once said "Veni,
} vidi, vici, purpulous automobilous."
}
} You will understand what even John F. Kennedy did not understand when
} he uttered "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask only what
} you can do for your purple car."
}
} You will know why Churchill told Parliament that "we shall defend our
} Island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we
} shall fight with stupid cars."
}
} Yes, I will even explain why in the beginning, the Oracle created the
} heavens and the purple cars.
}
} You will understand why FDR's friend's car so bugged him as he told
} the world that "Yesterday, December 7, 1941, a date which will live in
} infamy, the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately
} attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Stupid Cars."
}
} And you will even know why that great historian Douglas Adams, in his
} great history textbook wrote that the answer to the question of life,
} the universe, and purple cars was 42.
}
} So, my supplicant, take a seat. Sit. Make yourself comfortable. You
} do not want to be unprepared for such knowledge as I am about to
} impart. It will shake you to your very core.
}
} Prepare yourself to receive the wisdom of the Oracle. Few humans can
} deal with knowledge so complete, so fine, so shocking as this. Perhaps
} you should take a sip of some nice tea to calm your nerves.
}
} Well, my supplicant, are you ready? Are you ready to receive the
} knowledge that humans have been seeking for tens of thousands of years?
} Are you finally ready to receive the Great Answer?
}
} I see you are nodding. Good.
}
} Well then, my weak-kneed supplicant, here is the answer to the Great
} Question, the answer that drove JFK to painkillers and made Winston
} Churchill start smoking, the answer that made Einstein's hair stand on
} end.
}
} The answer -- are you ready for it? -- the answer to the question that
} has defied philosophers for millenia, confused politicians for
} centuries, bothered supplicants for ages -- yes, the answer to the
} Amazingly Great Question of Life, the Universe, and Purple Cars is
} this:
}
} Stupid people buy stupid cars.
}
} Yes.
}
} Yes, supplicant, I can see by your reaction you know now it is true.
} That red color in your face gives it away - somewhere in your tiny,
} tiny mass of gray goo that passes for a brain, you know. You feel as
} if you should have always known, but of course you couldn't, because
} you are a person that buys stupid cars. Ah, but supplicant, control
} that vein throbbing in your neck; it is such a nuisance to have to
} clean blood from my furniture. Go home, now, and re-evaluate your
} life's choices. Get help, before it is too late.
}
} You owe the Oracle a pan-galactic gargle blaster and your friend's
} phone number.
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