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} Correct. Who's on first.
}
} You owe the Oracle a well-executed performance of the
} Abbott-and-Costello Hebrew Lesson.
}
} ABBOTT: I see you're here for your Hebrew lesson.
} COSTELLO: I'm ready to learn.
} A: Now, the first thing you must understand is that Hebrew and
} English have many words which sound alike, but they do not mean
} the same thing.
} C: Sure, I understand.
} A: Now, don't be too quick to say that.
} C: How stupid do you think I am -don't answer that. It's simple-some
} words in Hebrew sound like words in English, but they don't mean
} the same.
} A: Precisely.
} C: We have that word in English, too. What does it mean in Hebrew?
} A: No, no. Precisely is an English word.
} C: I didn't come here to learn English, I came to learn Hebrew. So
} make with the Hebrew.
} A: Fine. Let's start with mee.
} C: You.
} A: No , mee.
} C: Fine, we'll start with you.
} A: No, we'll start with mee.
} C: Okay, have it your way.
} A: Now, mee is who.
} C: You is Abbott.
} A: No, no, no. Mee is who.
} C: You is Abbott.
} A: You don't understand.
} C: I don't understand? Did you just say me is who?
} A: Yes I did. Mee is who.
} C: You is Abbott.
} A: No, You Misunderstand what I am saying. Tell me about mee.
} C: Well, you're a nice enough guy.
} A: No, no. Tell me about mee!
} C: Who?
} A: Precisely.
} C: Precisely what?
} A: Precisely who.
} C: It's precisely whom!
} A: No, mee is who.
} C: Don't start that again-go on to something else.
} A: All right. Hu is he.
} C: Who is he?
} A: Yes.
} C: I don't know. Who is he?
} A: Sure you do. You just said it.
} C: I just said what?
} A: Hu is he.
} C: Who is he?
} A: Precisely.
} C: Again with the precisely! Precisely who?
} A: No, precisely hee.
} C: Precisely he? Who is he?
} A: Precisely!
} C: And what about me?
} A: Hu.
} C: me, me, me!
} A: Hu, hu, hu!
} C: What are you, an owl? Me! Who is me?
} A: No, hu is he!
} C: I don't know I maybe he is me!
} A: No, hee is she! (STARE AT ABBOTT)
} C: Do his parents know about this?
} A: About what?
} C: About her!
} A: What about her?
} C: That she is he!
} A: No, you've got it wrong-hee is she!
} C: Then who is he?
} A: Precisely!
} C: Who?
} A: He!
} C: Me?
} A: Hu!
} C: He?
} A: She!
} C: Who is she?
} A: No, hu is he.
} C: I don't care who is he, I want to know who is she?
} A: No, that's not right.
} C: How can it not be right? I said it. I was standing here when I
} said it, and I know me.
} A: Hu.
} C: Who?
} A: Precisely!
} C: Me! Me is that he you are talking about! He is me!
} A: No, hee is she!
} C: Wait a Minute, wait a minute! I'm trying to learn a little
} Hebrew, and now I can't even speak English. Let me review.
} A: Go ahead.
} C: Now first You want to know me is who.
} A: Correct.
} C: And then you say who is he.
} A: Absolutely.
} C: And then you tell me he is she.
} A & C: Precisely!
} C: Now look at this logically. If me is who. And who is he. And he
} is she. Don't it stand to reason that me is she?
} A: Who?
} C: She!
} A: That is he!
} C: Who is he?
} A & C: Precisely!
} C: I have just about had it. You have me confused I want to go home.
} You know what I want? Ma!
} A: What.
} C: I said Ma.
} A: What.
} Q: What are you, deaf? I want Ma!
} A: What!
} C: Not what, who!
} A: He!
} C: Not he! Ma is not he!
} A: Of course not! Hu is he!
} C: I don't know. I don't know. I don't care. I don't care who is he,
} he is she, me is who, ma is what. I just want to go home now and
} play with my dog.
} A: Fish.
} C: Fish?
} A: Dag is fish.
} C: That's all, I'm outa here.
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