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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hello, my name Aleksander Przybyszewski. Good Polish name. I try to > get job as Pole Dancer but they reject me. Telling me only girls can > apply and is okay even girls who not Polish. Maybe you hire me as Pole > Dancer? I can even do Ukrainian dance too. Like hopak dance you > already know very athletic. I wait you help.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You really need to improve your repertoire. Can I suggest you learn } some of the following other European dances: } } Czech Dance: That weird ceremony where you pretend to be really } generous in offering to pay for your date's meal but secretly don't } want to. } } UK Dance: That weird ceremony where your Prime Minister dances at her } party's conference and pretends to want Brexit, but secretly doesn't. } } Swedish Dance: Like a Pole dance, but while wearing turnips. } } Vatican Dance: Euphemism for the withdrawal method of contraception. } } Turkey Dance: That thing at Thanksgiving where you freak out your } vegan friend by pretending that the food has come back to life. } } Belgium Dance: Dance like nobody's watching. Oh, wait, they're not. } Because no-one cares what you do. Like Belgium. } } Italian Dance: How to distract a Mafia godfather. } } Swiss Dance: Done with precision, with a sensation of melted } chocolate. Typically used as a numbing technique at an assisted dying } clinic. } } Maltese Dance: Maximum footwork effort in order to make your partner's } corns hurt. It's how you make a Maltese Cross. } } Irish Dance: Dance like you're holding two incredibly heavy bags of } potatoes in either hand, and are running away from the British, } frequently looking over your shoulder. } } Greece Dance: Not sure I know this one. Tell me more, tell me more, } does it go very far? } } You owe the Oracle a dance from Lapland.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Thank you for the bottle of invisible ink. I put it down somewhere and > now I can't find it. Where is it?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I've got plenty more of that, and to prove it, I'm gonna write the } instructions on how to obtain more using it:

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Well, where's the fun in that?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} As always, the fun is in trying to render it into a palindrome. Many } palindromes just don't quite work. For example you might like to } consider A MAN A PLAN A CANAL: SUEZ. Or ABLE WAS I ERE I SAW WATERLOO. } Or perhaps you would prefer to avoid thinking about them. Too late. } } You owe the Oracle a nut for a jar of tuna.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I told my friend Sam about you and he says I am mental. He says you are > mental too. How mental are we?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Experi

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Orrie, Orrie, Orrie, you've gotta help me now. > > Bet on the Red Sox to lose the Pennant, generally a sure thing, good > for LOTS of money if I place the bets with guys I meet in bars in > Southie. Your yourself encouraged me by suggesting I study math better. > > Well, they won the Pennant, so I bet on them to lose the Series, four > games to zip. Brooklyn (now Los Angeles) has always been a true > powerhouse of baseball. > > Goddam Red Sox won the Series, today (29 October). I now owe about > $275,000 to a bunch of guys in Southie all of whom carry a mean > baseball bat. > > What should I do now? Maybe hide in your castle and pretend to be you? > Or what?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Ah, I see you have met Orrie-corp's Southie branch.  Always happy to } meet a satisfied customer!  Say 'hi' to Og and Thag when you get back, } they've done an excellent job since I put them in charge.  Anyway, you } should have followed my suggestion about math, because you have } calculated the accumulated per-day interest for the last month all } wrong.  You need to do it by hand, since most computers just don't } have enough bits to prevent an overflow error. } } I should have added an 'You owe the Oracle ...'-line here but you } already know that.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Should I tell them what I put in it before they taste it, or after?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} While they are taking that first bite. } } Reminder: Calculate the range of projectile vomiting ahead of time so } that you can be certain you are out of range. Watch videos of people } trying to eat surstromming for a better understanding of the concept. } } You owe the Oracle a sure-fire method of spelling "surstromming" that } supplies the necessary umlaut of the "o" while not running afoul the } the Oracle's extremely limited character set.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> This is horrible, horrible, horrible. I wanted to ask you about the > country called Trinidad and Tobago. Yes it is just one place but it is > named double. > > Ufnortunately I spell-chucked myself into writing Trinity and Tabasco. > Because the question was broken, I did not send it. Or did I? Not even > your famed omniscience could know the answer, because even if I did > send it you might have not received it, or vice reversal. > > So instead tell me something that is probably probable.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear suppleness, } } The Oration has constabled your quest. } } In these busy danes, it is very diffident to ensure that all the } contexts of an email mess are corruptly spilled. Your receptacle  is } therefrom unlucky to be consigned whether the spell was accumulated or } not. } } In the unlucky evening they dud actuately rescind it, they probably } stacked it strait into the tractor. } } Your missing is impotent to us. } The Oration.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I crossed my eyes and dotted my Tees. Now I have spotted T-shirts that > I can't see clearly. Why do I accept your advice?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Mostly for the Instagram followers.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> We are sposed to bisect a frog for bioligy class. Yuck. Maybe if I > make a joke like you told me about OPEN TOAD shoes I will get throne > out of class before we start. > > What do you suggest?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Work on your spelling, and the frog might change into a handsome } blueprints.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hey Orrie. I do hope you realize what big trouble you're in!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Of course, of course. I am even more omniscient than you think I am, so } I know that sort of thing far better than you could ever dream of. I } even know how to use more than one preposition to end a sentence up } with. How's THAT for smarts? } } As for the specific trouble, it was competition from Yahoo Answers that } originally had me worried, but as you know that place has become a nest } of trolls who have escaped their original hiding places, such as } Norway, Minnesota, South Dakota, and other slow states, and are now } asking some of the most stupid questions ever seen (or unseen) in any } universe. } } What I need is quality, not quantity. } } You owe the Oracle 10,000 supplicants who actually have brains. Yes, } yes, I know we are struggling against zombies who eat the brains of } potential supplicants--just look at some of the recent } supplications--but we can overcome that with extra effort. As the late } and almost incomparable Anna Russell said, "We must all get behind } ourselves and PUSH!" You may, if you desire, compare Russell to Lehrer } or to Flanders & Swann, but to no one else.