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The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I have crossed broccoli with bluberries to create broccolberries. > Strangely, although neither broccoli nor bluberries have thorns, > broccolberries do have them, like blackberries, only worse. The thorns > are inside the fruit of the broccolberry, waiting for the tongue and > palate of the unsuspecting diner. > > Obviously you and I aren't going to eat them, because we know their > hidden secret. > > To whom should I serve Roast Broccolberry Surprise? And what is a good > recipe?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Broccolberry Surprise. Serves 4 people you don't like very much } (Or 2 people you really can't stand) } } Invite 2 or 4 people around for supper. Apply alcohol liberally, around } the gums, and into the stomachs. Get your wife to do the } amuses-bouches, while you concentrate on the main event. } } Brocolberry Baton-Mouche a la magyar kinai gyorsetterem: } } Take six broccolberries,. a grain of salt. } Add the Old English letter thorn, from an Old English tin of spaghetti } letters. } With three pounds of sugar, sweeten the blackthorns. } } Voulez-vous prire reduction au jus. That'll do. } On va puit commence in the literal sense. } } Take a crumble, you see- you will now need a roux } WIth some liszt or farine, you know quite what to do } mix together with buerre, leonine-right, concur? } Ne va laisser brule! Il faut tojours a stir } } Puis mettre les graces dans un grande ha ha ha } Cook at gas for minutes, at Reumur mark 4 } Then suivre les vents, son partie., a gestation } Can swiftly be followed with defenestration. } } You owe the Oracle seventeen excuses for avoiding parties.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Oracle, Magnifico, who knows the most signidfico > Of watermarks and ink and bleach (don't make this public: each to each) > > I'c wrritten my CV they say > In paper industry: way hay! > I know that stuff off the back of my hand > And getting the role will get me twenty grand > > So can I put you down as referee > On my brief resumee?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Here's a letter of introduction you can use. } } Dear employer: } Allow me to give you my opinion of J. Topaz Supplicant, who has applied } for a position in your department. I cannot recommend him too highly } nor say enough good things about him. There is no other supplicant of } mine with whom I can adequately compare him. His  queries are the sort } of work you don't expect to see nowadays and in them he has clearly } demonstrated his complete capabilities. The amount of material he knows } will surprise you. You will indeed be fortunate if you can get him to } work for you. Sincerely, } T. I. Oracle. } } I hope that this letter allows you to attain a position that you } deserve.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> It's common in the U.S. to address political officers as Mr. President, > Mr. Secretary, Mr. Ambassador, etc., if they're male; Madam President, > etc. if they're female. > > But what if they're non-binary?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} SOLVED in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts! The form of address for } the Governor is, "Your Excellency." } } You owe the Oracle a list of all Massachusetts towns or cities with } excellent names. Here are some examples: } }    The town of Winthrop is presumably named after Governor Winthrop. }    The town of Bradford is presumably named after Governor Bradford. }    The town of Kingston is presumably named after Governor King. }    The town of Peabody is presumably named after Governor Peabody. }    The town of Endicott is presumably named after Governor Peabody. }    The town of Marblehead is presumably named after Governor Peabody. }    The town of Grafton is presumably named after many Governors.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Here I am again, your amply useless supplicant! > > You'll remember, I'm the guy who Googled for Ample Side Door Vinegar > instead of Apple Cider Vinegar, and got dreadfully sick when my dog > died. > > What's the use of following quack qures, I mean cures, like vinegar? > Why am I constantly searching the Internet for things that don't work?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You have a mysterious and unfortunate inheritance, young supplicant. I } command you, use this power only for good, and not for evil. With } great power comes a great electricity bill. } } You have been cursed by the spirits of the Orient (15 Wardour Street, } London, W1D 6PH - L=15 for a shot of finest vodka) that whatsoever } you search for on the Internet will not work. I urge and beseech you, } for the sake of all humanity, never to type the following into Google: } } - Google } - Antibiotics } - Socialism } - Democracy (your mildly cursed cousin Ethel tried this, but }   fortunately she only affected the USA, UK, and Brazil) } - Contraception (although a lack of antibiotics may give the same }   effect) } } You should feel bad about having typed the following into Google: } - Shakespearean jokes } - Pineapple on pizza } - White wine to remove red wine stain } - Does glaring at someone cause their soul to combust? } - "World-beating" as an inspiring adjective } } You owe the Oracle a promise never to try to find yourself.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Oracle, oh borderless > Most omnipotent (more or less) > Who can jump over any border > In short order > > Please tell me: > > I've just had my passport application rejected as under the title > "Occupation" I put "Expert". What should I have written?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} "Poet." It's as much a lie as "Expert" but harder to prove wrong. } } You owe the Oracle the man from Peru whose limericks would end in line } two, and of course the man from Verdun. Also, Emperor Nero.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> New computer game! New computer game! I just invented it, but I have > not written the code yet. You've gotta see it! > > It is so complicated that only I (and you) can understand it. I'll play > the game and win EVERY TIME! It's a solitaire game, so I can play by > myself, which is all for the best because I really don't like people. > > And of course I'll know all the ways to cheat because I wrote them!!! > > I'm bored already and I haven't played it yet. > > I need some other game. Please give me a hint.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Good news! } The Oracle has decided to make you the very big star of his very own, } newly invented game!  And it's in real life, so you won't even need } one of those pesky computers, that have to be upgraded all the time! } } First sit inside this box,  Ready?  Now, stick your head up a random } of those holes in the top. } } *WHACK* } } Good!  Do it again!  You won't?  How can I play Whack-a-supplicant if } you just sit there holding your head?  Oh, well.  Let me flip this } switch and... } } *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* } } See? It's for situations like this I electrified the bottom of the box. } } *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* ...

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I wanted several replies to my question, but you sent me several > reptiles instead. > > Snakes! Why does it always have to be snakes?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Supplicant. } I'm happy to tell you that as part of the Oracle Customer Satisfaction } Programme, you have been given a free upgrade to king size alligators. } } I hope this will solve problems for both of us. } With kind regards, Oracle Customer Support.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Geeeezuss Chr*st! It's already Wednesday again! The goddam week is > almost half gone. What am I gonna do? > > Wait a minute, it's only Tuesday. But that's still just as bad. I've > got to have everything coded and tested by Friday, and the SQA guy is > burnt out from working weekends and all-nighters. He says "Test your > own GD code!" > > Look, can you test it for me? And no saying, "It's just plain no > good." That won't help even if it's true.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} -1 } NULL } "; DROP TABLE; } 0 } 404 } let f = f; } 1e400 } @example.com } ^D } \r^M } "NULL" } "rm -rf /* } #!/wallop } asin(-2); } pow(0,0) } ping 192.168.256.0; } (-1)[a] } 1.3.14 <= 1.3.9 } let true = false; } *nullptr; } \\$$$$_ } '"''"" } a-+--+a } \//\\//s//g*/ } {,} } 7**-0.5 } ^I- } EOF } } You owe the Oracle some kind of exception.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I was waiting for Godot but found you instead. Where can I find him? > > Oh, and just to keep you on track, or maybe the other way around, I > went to a Contra Dance last week, hopling to find people who disagreed > with everyone. No such luck. Everyone was far too nice. But the dance > caller DID announce that one dance would be in Beckett Formation. We > were beside ourselves with Joy. Still waiting for Godot, though. > Whatever you can do might or might not help.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sam B wrote quite obscure stuff } And tended do it off-the-cuff } The stage directions, do ya see } Show vlad and E where they can't be } } The existential paradox } He then continued knocks-for-knocks } By chracter who don't appear } And thus you'll find him waiting here } } Because I am the chief arranger } Godot's in my antechamber. } } You owe toe Oracle something Irish.

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Tellme all about the Portugoose.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Let's get to the bottom of your problems. You cannot resist an } opportunity to make a pun. It is impossible for others, even other } incorrigible punsters, to hold a factual and productive conversation } with you because you make or let loose a pun at every opportunity. } About the only thing worse would be if you were a poet. } } You already know what you DON'T owe the Oracle.