} As part of an Oracle apprentice training initiative (I get extra
} government funding for it), I gave your request to my current cohort.
} After creating a mindmap from a very inclusive, non-judgemental, and
} open idea-sharing fusion event, they came up with the following
} possible replies:
} - Send the supplicant a patch-cable (from Linda, aged 23 and
} - Send the supplicant a nicotine patch (from Mike, aged 64 and owner
} of a vacuum cleaner)
} - Send the supplicant a paint patch-test (from Stacy, age 37 and
} former book-reader)
} - Send the supplicant a dog called Patch (from Bryony, age 32, whose
} ambition is to be a wardrobe)
} - Berate the supplicant for being too geeky (from Simon, age 51 whose
} recent divorce from an IT technician has left him somewhat stressed).
} - Ignore the question entirely (from Kirsty, age 45, and stay-at-home
} - Send a very confusing reply to the supplicant that has no relation to
} the question but makes them think they've read something funny, even
} if they didn't laugh (from Quentin, age 28, champagne socialist and
} blue shirt owner).
} - Make the supplicant answer their own question by giving them a range
} of options (from Hannah, age 48, former marketing executive who always
} cleans her tins before putting them out for recycling).
} You owe the Oracle a government grant that requires less effort.