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} As a wise man once said, "Time is an illusion; lunchtime doubly so".
}
} So, let me tell you a little story.
}
} It starts about 14 months ago, and I'd just received your question
} which was, "Why do giraffes have long necks".
} Due to the fact that giraffes evolved before humans, and therefore
} the need for an Oracle, I didn't immediately know the answer, and
} would therefore have to look it up. So, I got off my throne, asked
} Zadoc to keep the cat fed while I popped down to the archives for a
} bit, and headed towards the lift. On my way there, I spotted a stray
} piece of paper that had clearly fallen off the trolley when Nathan
} (Zadoc's lackey) was bringing the financial records of his
} wood-shaving business for me to check over before giving him his
} monthly allowance. (Nathan will never make a profit.)
} However, the piece of paper clearly read, "Treebeard: owes $8 for one
} short back-and-sides". It was immediately clear to me that Nathan had
} completely misinterpreted "wood-shaving" and had set up a
} hair-dresser's for Ents.
} Putting that to one side, I continued towards the lift, and selected
} floor -17, being the floor dedicated to archives about evolution,
} poppadoms, and sightings of the lesser-spotted Ford Escort.
}
} Once the lift had ground into action (memo to self: must ask Zadoc to
} grease the lift-shaft with oil rather than butter), and my descent
} started, I decided to amuse myself by singing the words of the
} British National Anthem to the tune of House of the Rising Sun. And
} vice versa.
} Since I'm easily amused, this passed the 3 hours that the lift took
} to grind its way down to level -17.
} When I reached level -17, the doors sprang open and revealed a large
} emu that Grace (well-known as the subject of "Amazing Grace") had let
} loose in the archives. I hired Grace as head-archivist several years
} ago, but she insisted that meant she was only in charge of the
} collection of animal heads on level -12, and not the other 714 floors
} of material.
}
} Anyway, I eventually managed to distract the emu for long enough that
} I could get into the buggy that would take me to where the answer to
} your question was located. Since Grace had failed to recharge the
} buggy after using it to round up the herd of wildebeest I'd left
} there the previous week, I first had to plug it into an electrical
} socket.
}
} [ In the interests of time (which you seem to be rather specific
} about) I have omitted quite a lot of the rest of the story. ]
}
} So, I gave the emu a decent burial, unloaded Bernard (the
} woodworm-slaying sword of power) and all the jewels I'd won from
} Bethany (the Queen of Aisle 18) into the lift and pressed for the
} ground floor.
}
} After 5 hours, the lift ground its way up to the original floor,
} where I got off, and found Zadoc stuffing dog food into the hull of a
} catamaran. Stopping only to cover the dead body of Mittens with three
} layers of emeralds, I made my way back to the throne room, where I
} found your message berating me for being slow.
}
} Anyway, the answer to your question is: Because if they didn't, they
} wouldn't be able to see the sea.
}
} You owe the Oracle a replacement salad bowl. I think I left mine with
} Bethany.
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