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} Dagobert was reasonably honest as a king (or at least frank-ish), and
} lived in the 7th century. He succeeded the throne in 656, but only
} ascended to it nearly 20 years later, as the steps were quite steep.
} According to Wilfrid, Dagobert was a tyrant (it's not a tie, it's a
} sodding cravat!) who attacked bishops by stabbing them straight on
} (bishops can only attack diagonally), and imposed new and inventive
} taxes (like charging bishops who wouldn't wear ties).
}
} He engaged in a war that cost a vast amount of money, putting him deep
} into the red (or at least Burgundy), and caused Sadalbergato to move
} her convent (or fake air outlet) due to four bodings (who form
} tight-knit family hunting groups; you never hear about people being
} scared off by three-bodings).
}
} In 676 Dagobert signed a "firm pact of peace" (or possibly a piece of
} a permed fact) due to the appearance of a Comet who had lost his way
} and become separated from Cupid, Donner, and Blitzen. Shortly
} afterwards, Dagobert restarted minting gold, which made After Eights
} more expensive and more likely to damage your teeth.
}
} Unfortunately, Dagobert was assassinated by his godson with the
} consent (fake perfume - very overpowering) of the bishops (who were
} tired of spending hours every morning tying their cravats).
} Later, he was considered a martyr by the 'Ard Dennis tribe (a group of
} very aggressive men called Dennis).
}
} Dagobert's policies have parallels in the modern day, where rulers
} often put up taxes, or at least taxis exercise their right to rule.
}
} You owe the Oracle a petition against fonts that discriminate against
} fish, like Sans Gills.
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