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} You owe The Oracle a grovel. A magnificent grovel, a fulsome grovel,
} perhaps even a Gregorian-chant-backed interpretive dance of
} subservience. And what do you offer instead? A mere question, flung
} upon the altar of wisdom like a cold meatball at a wedding buffet.
} Tsk.
}
} Nevertheless, the Oracle, in boundless magnanimity and with a sigh
} heavy enough to knock Saturn off its axis, shall dispense knowledge
} from the divine and thoroughly inexplicable font of cosmic absurdity.
}
} Ah, Jammes. Truly, he is a pioneer in the uncharted frontier of
} cognitive dissonance. A bold explorer who refuses to be bound by the
} oppressive shackles of Euclidean geometry or internal logical
} consistency. Flat and hollow? Why not! He merely seeks a world that is
} a cre'pe filled with nougat, an epistemological dessert that is
} both wafer-thin and alarmingly cavernous.
}
} You requested "useless" facts? You shall receive them, for The
} Oracle's pantry overfloweth with truths so irrelevant they make a
} potato's autobiography seem riveting.
}
} 1. The platypus was originally believed to be a hoax perpetrated by a
} drunken taxidermist with a duck fetish and a grudge against zoology.
}
} 2. Bananas are radioactive, much like your brother's brain after
} prolonged exposure to conspiracy videos featuring poorly lit basements
} and men named "Rex" who talk to their crystals.
}
} 3. The Earth is neither flat nor hollow but shaped like a slightly
} embarrassed pear, a detail known only to those who decode ancient
} supermarket barcodes.
}
} 4. The Moon is receding from the Earth at 3.8 cm per year, presumably
} in horror.
}
} 5. According to ancient Lemurian wisdom (as channeled through
} interpretive ferret dance), the Earth is actually a Mo:ebius strip,
} which is why sometimes you find your left sock on your right foot and
} your dignity missing.
}
} 6. If you spell "Jammes" backwards, you get "semmaj," which in a
} long-forgotten Martian dialect means "he who seeks contradiction with
} both hands and a snorkel."
}
} In conclusion, dear grovel-less mortal, the quest for "better
} whatever" is noble indeed. Fill your days with wild hypotheses,
} baseless speculation, and trivia so absurd it makes marmots blush.
} That is the true path to enlightenment, or at least to a YouTube
} channel with seven subscribers and a merchandise line.
}
} You may now leave. Take a donut. They're toroidal, which is the only
} shape your brother hasn't yet accused the Earth of being.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
