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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What will michael Jackson look like in 5 years?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} His perpetual cosmetic surgery will finally result in his complete } transformation into Diana Ross.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> why is a napkin?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} A napkin is since, } because and so whence, } I must conclude hence, } that you sure are dense. } } You owe the Oracle every Burma-Shave road sign between Topeka, Kansas } and Laramie, Wyoming.  Tomorrow.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Where does the white go when the snow melts?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} It goes to heaven to color the angels' gowns. } } You owe the Oracle a snowball, vintage 1968.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Who is Crazy Bennie?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} This is Marilyn Quayle's love-name for Danny.  Shouted only in moments } of orgasmic ecstasy, it was last heard on Tuesday, 9 March 1976, from } 21:07:13 to 21:07:15.  It woke the cat.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O great oracle, tell me why I can't find any K00L women on my BBS?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Because real I<00L women wouldn't get near a geek-laden BBS like yours. } } You owe the Oracle the remainder of your Playboy subscription. } And that condom in your wallet, too.  You won't ever need it.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why is it that god made man before computers ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} God did not make man. } God did not make computers. } Computers made man. } Man made God. } } So speaks the Oracle.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please answer the question below: > > Please answer the question above:

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'd pay 70 bucks to avoid having a meaningful relationship with you! } You must be a real wimp to think that Charles Darwin explained the } origin of raisins.  Everyone's romantic when there's Banana Sheets for } breakfast!  Mon Dieu!  you must be Khrushchev's racketeer to think that } when you eat mayonnaise with pickle relish, it tastes really Russian. } Tina Turner offered Cerebus $858,000 if he would poison Robinson Crusoe. } Did you share marshmallow spread with Virginia Dare with a marimba or a } scholar?  Didn't you read the Bible?  When ya gotta go ya gotta go, my } little harlot.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why can't Oded conduct?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oded no can conduct becas Oded very ded, and for to conduct is need for } to be alive.  Take the look at Oconductor of the streaker some of soon } time.  Is Oconductor of the streaker the ded person?  NO!  Is Oconductor } of the streaker the every sick person even?  NO!  Oconductor of the } streaker is the very much aliv person.  This is the write thing for to } be.  Oded conductor of the streaker no can conduct much good.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm bored. Have any suggestions?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Go to Tehran and offer to sell people bacon-lettuce-tomato sandwiches in } exchange for supporting Shah Reza Pahlavi in a coup.  You will no longer } be bored.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What's 2 + 2?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You sanctimonious weakling, 2 + 2 is: }   2 + 2 (commutativity) }   0 + (2 + 2) (zero sum) }   1*(2+2) (multiplicative unit) }   712 (mistake) } } and I hope it makes you happy.