} Those funny-looking machines you were curious about are, in fact,
} power polyhedrons created by the Ancients millions of millenia ago
} for reasons unknown. Legends say they were built to protect our
} planet from a nuclear attack by an evil civilization from Thalassa,
} but since the Thalassians managed to kill themselves off before they
} really became a threat to our galaxy, the machines remained unused
} and were later sent off to the Plane of Safekeeping for storage.
} Slowly the memory of these strange devices faded away from mankind.
} However, only twelve years ago I. Jonas, a young Norwegian
} archeologist, made an amazing discovery while digging out an old
} village in the vicinity of Oslo. Beneath an old temple he found
} 16 weird globes of pulsating green light contained within glass jars.
} "This will make me famous!" he mused to himself as he transported
} them one by one to the surface. Little did he know that within each
} and every one resided the spirit of an angry orthodontist, quite
} upset about being disturbed.
} A horrendous curse was bestowed upon poor Jonas, whose dental
} structure was already inferior to that of most other Norwegians,
} causing him severe jaw deformation. As a result of this, he was
} soon unable to chew or speak without experiencing great pain. He
} realized that the only way to break the spell would be by returning
} the jars to their proper resting place, which he did. But this
} disrupted the entire Cosmic Balance as a small side effect, allowing
} totally unlikely things to occur such as Dan Quayle's increase in
} political power and the spontaneous reappearance of the mysterious
} power polyhedrons.
} One fine Sunday evening in Seattle a perceptant grocery clerk
} stumbled upon two of the long-lost machines and was hypnotized by
} the flashing colors and large, round buttons on the front of each
} machine. Hoping that noone would notice, she quickly loaded them
} into the back of her car and drove down to the store where she
} normally worked during the week. Not knowing what to do next, she
} carried them into store and died from addiction.
} The following morning, Mr. Meenanugglee (the owner) found the
} machines and the dead body, and was puzzled. He quickly got rid of
} the rotting corpse, believing it might have a deterrent effect on
} customers if left where it was, but wasn't quite sure about what to
} do with the remaining two objects. Not having anywhere else to put
} them, he left them where they were.
} Lots of people came and visited the store that day. They were
} all fascinated by the wondrous machines and the rumor spread all
} over the city. Mr. M. noticed how people would pump quarters into
} the tiny slots only to become more and more obsessed. As a direct
} result of this, the tiny store was finally beginning to make some
} Eventually even 7-11 and Safeway heard of this, so they too
} obtained power polyhedrons to attract people. This went on for some
} time, and today it is nearly impossible to find a serious grocery
} store without one.
} Be warned though, the power polyhedrons are very old and unstable.
} According to the stars, you should avoid stores containing these
} dangerous machines, especially if they start instructing you to
} 'insert groin'.
} You now owe the Oracle a complete set of Fourier-transforms.