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} A. people fall in love because. (Ref: Oracle Rule 1.a: PARTIAL
} QUESTIONS GET PARTIAL ANSWERS.)
}
} >Message from supervisor@oracle.mil: That rule was suspended
} >indefinitely when the Oracle's reserve unit was activated last month.
} >Get with it, soldier!
}
} Oh, alright! Geez, give a guy Captain's bars and he thinks he's God!
} Well, actually he _was_ God, but now he's Captain God. Hmmm, maybe
} Marvel Comics should know about that. (making mental note to copyright
} the phrase 'Captain God')
}
} Top 10 reasons why people fall in love:
}
} 10. Marriage puts them in a higher income bracker, helping to pay off
} the federal debt.
}
} 9. Cupid is only 3 feet tall, so they have to fall in order to be
} within range of his arrows.
}
} 8. The Oracle owns stock in Hallmark Cards.
}
} 7. The Oracle gets a kick out of hearing people talk baby talk when
} they are still working on getting the baby conceived. (Ow, cut that
} out Lisa, I didn't mean it! You know you're still my babykins.
} Hey, what are you doing with that can of sardines packed in oil?)
}
} >>Reply censored by oracle.mil
}
} OK, I'm game if you are. That bozo doesn't really need reasons 6,
} 5, 4, 3, and 2, anyway.)
}
} ~! sleep 3600
}
} Aaaah!!, now let's see, where was I? Oh, yes.
}
} 1. Otherwise, there wouldn't be any material for "Divorce Court".
}
} B. The Oracle prefers sardines in spring water. (or was that tuna
} fish? I've been a vegetarian for the past few millenium, ever since
} I learned they were eventually going to add chemicals to bacon. One
} of the problems with becoming a vegetarian in a hurry is you can't
} do it cold turkey, so I decided to start early.)
}
} However, the subject of love and the metaphysical comparisons of
} love to other emotional experiences, such as sticking your fist into
} a gallon of live squid, is something that the Oracle has been
} required to become an expert at, if only because of the importance
} placed upon love in Western Culture. (If this sounds like a Western
} Civ lecture, so be it, the Oracle sometimes substitute teaches at
} Harvard.)
}
} Unfortunately, my files are still a bit muddled from my last visit
} to Harvard, in 1822. Hmmm. (shuffle, shuffle, shuffle) Oh dear!
} The pages on love have become saturated with oil and are unreadable.
} Pity!
}
} C. Sardines are, in general, inclined to be rather stuffy. (Makes it
} easier to get used to overcrowding in those little cans.) The
} scientists among them are inclined to concentrate on subatomic
} physics, and as a result rarely worry about whole matter.
}
} Incidentally, the Oracle is a little concerned about the effect upon the
} sardine harvest of the oil spill in the Persian Gulf and recommends that
} you avoid any oil packed fish for a few years, especially if it has
} funny lettering on the package. (like "Kosher for Passover") A good
} clue is if you open the package and the oil has washed up on the sides
} of the can and formed a gelatinous mess, then that can has probably been
} tainted.
}
} You owe the Oracle 15 new baby talk names for Lisa and an oil spill
} cleanup kit. (But it was worth it!)
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