|
} At long last!!!! The question has been asked, the chosen one has
} arrived!!! The prophesy is fulfilled, I am free to be one with the
} universe!!! This is fabulous!! Great! Yeah! I bet you are wondering
} what the hell I am talking about, right? Well, it all started a long
} time ago...
}
} [Please crank the vertical hold on your monitor, to simulate a
} flashback effect]
}
} A solitary man rides his grey horse through the mountains, approaching
} Mount Olympus, home of the gods. Suddenly, a voice calls out.
}
} "Who are you to approach the home of the Gods"
}
} But the man remained unafraid. "Who's asking?" he sneered.
}
} "I am Nikkon, God of pictures, and protector of the Olympus Infinity.
} No man may pass, without undertaking some task for me."
}
} "Big deal, so whaddya want me to do, mow your lawn or something?"
}
} "No, that is a task that I leave for my son, Cannon. Yours is a
} different destiny. I shall give you absolute knowledge, and..."
}
} "Cool!"
}
} "...Shut up, I'm not done yet."
}
} "Sorry"
}
} "Anyway, and you shall use that knowledge to answer all questions
} posed to you throughout time, until you are asked the one question
} to free you from your task."
}
} "Well, what is it?"
}
} "Hmmm, yeah, that sounds like a good one. Sure, you shall remain at
} your post until you are asked the question: 'what is it'."
}
} "So what happens then?"
}
} "Hmmm, I haven't though too much about that either. Well, let's say
} that when you are asked that question, the person who asks it is forced
} to take over your task, and you are free to roam the cosmos."
}
} "I like it, it shows a touch of panache."
}
} "So tell puny one, what is your name, that shall come to symbolize
} knowledge throughout time and space"
}
} "I am known as J. Danforth Quayle."
}
} "Hmmm, no, that won't do, nobody will take you seriously at all. We'll
} have to give you a new name. How about 'Fred'?"
}
} "No."
}
} "Bruce?"
}
} "No."
}
} "Big Eddie?"
}
} "No, I have a cousin named 'Big Eddie.'"
}
} "Well, then, I guess you shall be known as 'The Oracle' until we
} can come up with something good."
}
} "Ugh, that's worse that 'Bruce'."
}
} "Well, tough luck."
}
} "So when do I start?"
}
} "Right now, you can open up a little shop in Delphi. Remember to
} give clear concise answers now."
}
} "Yeah, yeah, whatever."
}
} [Adjust your vertical hold to do the back-to-the-present effect]
}
} So you see, I am now free of my onus so that...No, no, 'onus, ONUS'
} get your mind out of the gutter. Anyway, I am free, and you must
} answer all the stupid questions from these obnoxious supplicants
} until you are asked the question, um, let me think up a good one.
}
} Ah, got it. You must remain the Oracle, until you are asked the
} question, 'Where are my car keys?'
}
} <Bzapppht>
}
} There, now you know everything, good luck. If you need anything, I'll
} be in Daytona Beach, working on my tan. Oh by the way, now that you
} know the answer to 'What is "it"', it's pretty stupid, huh? Oh well,
} catch you later. Hmm, now where are my car keys?
|
![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
