Goto:

32, 32-01, 32-02, 32-03, 32-04, 32-05, 32-06, 32-07, 32-08, 32-09, 32-10

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>   Why is this guy on my left such a dipshit?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The oracle has long considered everyone sitting to the left of anyone } else to be a dipshit.  Just ask the guy sitting on your right.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How many virgins, exactly, are there left in the world?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Three.  Margaret Thatcher, Tammy Fae Bakker and you. } You're in good company.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> to be or not to be ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} oh, be da be da doo be doo be doo, cash baby cash is what I'm a-payin' } you, have some succotash on your beet and carrot stew, oh, be da be da } doo be doo be doo.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Hello.  Who and what are you?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I am the singer without a song, } I am the junkie without a bong, } I am the barber who cannot shave, } I am an ocean without a wave, } I am a parrot who cannot fly, } I am a lawyer who cannot lie, } I am a scholar who cannot think, } I am a drunkard who cannot drink, } I am a stereo without a sound, } I am a steamboat that's run aground, } I am the frog without a croak, } I am the jester without a joke.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I'm poor but honest.  Is this a mistake?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Wealth is the fabric of accumulation, honesty is the fabric of the } soul.  Metaphysicists have held that accumulation can be traded for } soul, and incarcerated artists such as James Brown have proven the } proof.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great and wordy orifice, > > Can you think of any way that mankind could benefit by finding a use for > the black rubbery substance that is commonly found between ones toes > when the socks have not been changed for many days/weeks/months?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} fake latex. } } not wordy. } } owe apology.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why Tiamat won't work?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Tiamat won't work because she is a five-headed dragon with mongo hit } points, massive numbers of spells, vast armies of dragons which wait on } her every whim, two very sharp pointed sticks ("spears"), a vast pile of } gold and jewels, a big mug of cocoa with Kahlua in it, sixteen brass } buttons, a very comfortable chair, a good solid LISP interpreter, a } priceless Ming vase, a telephone with unlimited local calling, a year's } supply of popcorn, six lottery tickets, last month's TV Guide, an } automatic chess set, a large bottle of maraschino cherries, and a } hangover. } } Would you work, if you were her? } } You owe the oracle a rhetorical question, to be answered literally.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why do butt cheeks separate vertically instead of horizontally?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} what a dorky question.  well, ok.  if they separated horizontally, } they'd be considerably harder to wipe.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Donna Summers said, "God had to create disco music so that I could be > born and be successful.  I was blessed.  I am blessed." What went wrong?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The God involved in the creation of disco music was a wrathful and cruel } God.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Does Lisa like sausages?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, that all depends on the kind of sausages. } } If I remember correctly (of course I remember correctly I'm the Oracle), } she absolutely adores bratwurst and knakwurst but she hate summer } sausage. } } I suggest that you show her your sausage and ask her what she thinks.