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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Please enlighten me, O cholesterol free one, do androids dream of > electric sheep?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} ...if you call today at 1-800-555-3589 you, yes you can receive, } absolutely free, a *CLICK* } } (Damn electric sheep ads...  Nothing good on Oracle TV today- gotta get } cable...) } } Oh! } } Sorry- didn't see you there.  Um.  Yeah.  A question, and appropriate } grovelling- wait!  How did you get the results of my blood test? } } Well, let's just skip the formalities and get this over with. } OracleTrek is on in 5 minutes. } } Luckily, I left my pocket android hooked up as a client to iuvax. } } iuvax> telnet andy } } andy.cs.indiana.edu } UNIX SYSTEM VII } } andy.cs.indiana.edu> sleep } sleep: baa } sleep: baa } sleep: baa^C } } andy.cd.indiana.edu> logout } } iuvax> } } Well, I think that speaks for itself. } You owe the Oracle a pair of electric "electric sheep" shearers. } } (hmmm...  maybe I'll make myself an electric blue wool sweater...)

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Don't u ever get tired of answering so many questions?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

}         Actually, YES. So, to liven up the day, whenever someone } asks me a particullarly dull, stupid question, or whenever I have } nothing better to do, I either impose a horrible curse on the } person, give them a whimsical answer that I *know* isn't what } they wanted, fry them with a lightning bolt, impose an unusually } outrageous fee, or some combination of these. For example: }  \ }   \ }    \___ }         \ }          \ }           \___ }                 \ }                  \ }                *ZAP!* } }       Your next 273 re-incarnations will be doomed to be } mindless drones for their entire incarnation, with the boredom } only relieved by their manner of sudden painful death when they } are least ecpecting it. } }       You owe the Oracle a night of service waving a fan while } I am busy with Lisa... while you are wearing a blindfold, gag, and } ear and nose plugs. } } BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> This question intentionally left blank.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} This question intentionally unanswered.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O great and powerful Oracle, whose name, if spelled phonetically > would be /or@kl/: > > Why are eggs sold in twelves, while chickens are sold in fourths?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Because eggs sold in fourths would be messy, } and chickens sold in twelves would be expensive. } } Actually, it's all just a foul plot.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I hate this terminal I'm working on.  It spits out all this horrendous > line noise - all the characters in the ASCII set except the ones I > type.  I was wondering if I decided to commit mass termicide and take > all the DEC vt220 terminals in the world and hurl them into the Caspian > sea would there be enough room left over for the Macintosh +'s that > keep crashing at my school?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Well, there might be if there weren't a couple of million DecWriters } already in line ahead of you to get tossed into the sea on top of all } those ADM-3s... } } However, why throw away those Macs just because they crash?  I mean, } you can hardly blame them.  That's their job, Macs crash.  Slowly, } usually. } } You owe the Oracle a length of serial cable and some marinara sauce. } No, wait, I meant a length of marinara sauce and a lump of something } nasty you just discovered inside your armpit.  Wait, that's not it, } there must be line noise or something hindering my communications... } I'll get back to you.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Why don't people listen to me anymore?!?!?!?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} What was the question?

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>         O great wise, wonderful, great, all-encompassing Mighty Oracle, > who is indeed so great as to warrant its name in capitals, bestow upon > this meager supplicant of yours, one who is so lowly and itsy-bitsy in > your Almighty Presence, the answer to this insignificant query: > >         Why is it that no television characters (beside Archie Bunker, >     that is,) ever have to go to the bathroom?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} They go during the commercials, just like everybody else.  *Sheesh* } Doesn't everybody know that? } } You owe the Oracle a new question, heavy philosophy, hold the } groveling.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O, oh great and mighty Oracle, whose teachings I have been basing my > life on, the most important of which is that a preposition is a > terrible thing to end a sentence with... please, bless me with this > tidbit of knowledge : > > What's that dangly thing in the back of my throat called? > > Thanking you in advance, you superbeing, you. > ->Stace<-

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} How quickly they forget. It was only twenty years ago that audiences } were delighted with the full story of that particular "dangly thing," } in the form of a show-stopping number from the hit show _Hare_ (the } musical version of _Harvey_). Don't you youngsters know *any* old } showtunes? Ah well, here goes: } }      When a Klingon makes a choking sound, }      Or your SO begins to snore, }      They're awfully hard to be around, }      And harder to ignore. } }      Those both are sounds that can be made with the uvula, }      Made with the uvula. }      The UVULA - the YOU-VIEW-LA! } }      Just a fleshy blob of tissue; }      The deepest anyone can kiss you; }      Roughly shaped like Halley's Comet; }      If you touch it, you will vomit; }      It can cause a strange sensation }      In the course of some fellation. } }      The uvula, the UVULA, the YOU-VIEW-LA! } } You owe the Oracle tickets to Manchester, England.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Are there a lot of things all in the same place today?  If so, what are > they and what is the place?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} 1) Yes. } } 2) The original Thing having been an enormous space-carrot (the } disembodied hand came later), we cansafely assume that the things } all of which are in the same place are also enormous root vegetables } from space. } } 3) Cleveland. } } The truly tricky question is - why? It turns out that this is part of } the top-secret Cleveland Project, intended to attract giant } space-bunny-rabbits (for more details, see the Journalesh Clevelandern } Verdorben, vol. XII, p. 273, or the hit movie _Night of the Lepus_). } } You owe the Oracle an Orthodox Rabbit, or a Hare Krishna.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

>   Oh great grater. >   Oh more than sensible thing. >   Oh mighty cyber heart, Whose breath I am not worthy to smell. > >     Bestow upon this, your lowly pleb, a morsel of truth. > >       * Why am I asking this question? *

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You are asking this question because you obviously have this insatiable } desire to be a talk-show host.  This hostic fanaticism shall soon pass, } and you will be back to normal.  It is advised that if you do not see } the relief of the symptoms within 5 days (5 days is the limit you know) } you should report to the nearest psychiatric center and watch 15 hours } of Wheel of fortune per day.  If this still fails to eradicate the } problem, then you must lock yourself in the room and watch Bob Barker } on The Price is Right followed by Family Feud for the next 10 days.  If } you still aren't cured, you need to go talk to George Bush about being } a justice on the supreme court, where they ask lots of questions. } } You owe the Oracle a game of Bob Barker:The Trivia Game.