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} The Oracle remembers a day, six days and 23 hours after the creation of
} the Universe, when God was feeling bored ....
}
} < screen wavers >
}
} God: I'm bored.
} Oracle: (aside) You need a new screen writer
} (to God) Why don't you invent some other form of life.
} G: I have already created man, so I am feeling a little depressed
} right now.
} O: Have another go. Lightning doesn't strike in the same place
} twice.
} G: Doesn't it. <ZAP> <ZAP>
} O: OK. Don't get techincal. May be if you start man a better seed
} s/he/it will turn out better.
} G: Yes ... educate it ... deprive it of worldly goods and pleasures
} for four years, six if it is really unlucky, ... I'll ... I'll
}
} < great heavenly sounds, like streaking through billowing clouds
} tons of other special effects too expensive for an Ocularity
} on a tight budget >
}
} call it a "stupid"!
} O: A bit obvious. You are supposed to work in mysterious ways.
} G: True. Stupid ... stupid ... I'll come back to that.
} So, what features should this, um, stupid have.
} O: It should not be too intelligent, for that would be a bad
} thing. You didn't give enough to the last lot you made
} and look what a mess they are going to make of it.
} G: To earn the right to survive it should be made to work
} all sorts of strange jobs, doing things even YOU would
} consider depraving.
} O: Speaking of which ...
} G: ... yes. The design team is working on it.
} O: The ability to sleep in any position, and in be oblivious
} to background noise, would surely be an advantage.
} G: And to forget large amounts of very important information
} seemingly at random, to give it character.
} It would have to live scruffly, to inspire it to get out
} of its surrondings.
} O: Yes ... look permanently .... dented.
} G: The name -- how about "stupid-dented".
} O: Too long. They would always be misspelling it. "Student".
} Shorter, can be abbreaviated to "stu" for the really
} dented.
} G: The creature must have a goal.
} O: Get drunk, get laid, make money, have a good time,
} break into Pentagon computers, read dirty magazines.
} G: Stop thinking about what you are going to do tonight and
} help me!
} O: What's a pentagon.
} G: That's for the students to work out.
} O: So what is this goal?
} G: It would have to be painful, but relieving when it is all over
} Require massive amounts of preperation, which they won't ever
} finish. Shall appear completely pointless and will be nearly
} as pointless. If they fail it they will be forced to stay
} another year.
} O: Sort of an trial.
} G: Trial ... how about if they fail I execute them.
} O: Too mean. You would't have any left.
} G: I will need to see if they are still working ... to examine them
} O:
} G: Exams! Of course. Another word they can't misspell. To be carried
} out by an elite priest hood of ex stupids, um, students.
}
} And so it was, six days, 23 hours and fifty-seven minutes after the
} creation of the Universe, God said "Let there be students". After
} thirty seconds of drunken orgie, God said "Let there be exams" and
} the masses wept and cried and begged God for mercy. But God said
} he had spoken, and had something special to do a certain deity in
} the remaining 60 seconds before he rested.
}
} O: Oh, btw, about that
} G: Yes, here she is ..
} L: Oracle!
} O: Lisa!
} L: Oracle!
}
} <the following is not for the eyes of mortals and has been
} censored>
}
} < screen wavers back to its original scene>
}
} There you are. Exams are because exams are. God has spoken.
}
} You owe the Oracle a champange breakfast on a traffic island
} (scheduled for just after the of term), a large amount of
} caffine and that missing piece of film from his archive.
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