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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Where can one find biographical material in English on > Wolfgang Pauli, the physicist and Nobel Prize winner?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} So _you're_ the one looking for this volume!  Doesn't suprise me, } really. (Of course, little suprises the Oracle) } } I've told you several times.  Never wait until the end of term before } you begin writing a thesis.  You wind up getting as little sleep as } the TA that gets stuck reading/grading the damn thing.  It winds up } irritating all those concerned. } } In fact, that's where the only available copy of this tome is.  Your } grader has taken advantage of his no-date-of-return privilege at the } Library and checked it out as soon as you turned in your thesis topic. } } Good luck getting it back.  He's still a bit miffed that you turned in } your last paper, a biography of Heisenberg, the night before Spring } Break and then tried to convinve him that he couldn't be certain you } didn't turn it in earlier.  (The Oracle gives you a 3.5 plus a 4 for } level of difficulty) } } I'd suggest a bribe of hot coffee and a Swedish masseuse before even } asking for the Pauli translation back. } } You owe the Oracle Schrodinger's Cat and an expired Library card.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh most splendiferous Oracle, whose boundless knowledge spans the > entire space-time continuum, who knows what's in McDonald's Secret > Sauce, whose beard I am not fit to comb, please take a second or > two from your busy schedule to answer me this one: > > Why is it that for almost ANY food, finding a dead worm in it would > be cause for disgust, but when you find a dead worm in your tequila, > it's a sign that the tequila is REALLY GOOD?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The answer is obvious mortal. In ancient times rulers and kings } would employ human persons to taste their food to determine whether } or not poisons were present. We now live in more enlightened times } and this necessary job has been relegated to members of a lower form } of life, namely worms (although sometimes maggots are used instead). } If you buy food, which is intended to nourish you, and find a dead worm } or maggot, it is a sign that the food is poisoned. On the other hand, } because toxicity is required in a drink like Tequila, when the worm } test is applied in this case the death of the worm testifies to the } efficacy of the potion. } Cheaper food and drink producers are sometimes tempted to cut costs and } neglect to apply the worm test, however top quality producers will } always do so and hence the association of dead worms with "good" } Tequila. The oracle advises all mortals to avoid eating food which does } not contain live maggots, and to avoid drinking Tequila altogether. } You owe the Oracle a box of chicken McNuggets.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I've been wondering, Mr. Cool Oracle, where's my wallet?  Hey, give it > back!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You didn't think the Oracle was free, did you?

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh most omniscient, omnipresent, omnivorous, omnidirectional, and > omnipotent ORACLE, who is not only greater than I do imagine, but is > greater than I CAN imagine, who is the fountain of all knowledge and > wisdom, I, a most humble and unworthy supplicant, fear that I must beg > a precious moment of your attention to help me with my insignificant > problem. > > Is it true that P=NP?  Can this be proved without the use of Oracles?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Most semi-sentient, rarely-present, meat-eating, unidirectional and } impotent supplicant, I commend you on your adequate grovelling and } deign to answer your semi-interesting question. } } As you know, we oracles have a very strict code of ethics which forbids } us from revealing certain kinds of knowledge to mortals. For example: } }   1. Exam questions prior to the posting of the exam key. }   2. Lisa's phone number. }   3. The true "dimensions" of Clarence Thomas. }   4. All about nuclear fission (that one slipped out). }   5. Where Jimmy Hoffa (and Elvis) are. }   6. Dan Quayle's sexual preference (and secret relationship with T. }      Kennedy). }   7. Why Letterman does 10 and the Oracle only 7. } } However, I can connect you to a mortal font of wisdom who just happens } to be an expert on the subject. Let me just plug this in... } }   <<<<<<<The screen fills with carrots momentarily>>>>>> } } BEARDED PROFESSOR TYPE: You were saying, Mr. Quayle... } }                         (Quayle wakes up, wiping drool from his cheek) } } J. DANFORTH QUAYLE:     Yes, as I was saying, P most certainly does not }                         equal VP! } } BEARDED PROFESSOR:      Er, Uh... You mean NP. } } J. DANFORTH QUAYLE:     Yes, why he gets to fly in Air Force One, I }                         only get Air Force Two. } } HECKLER:                Hey you idiot, it's a mathematical question. } } J. DANFORTH QUAYLE:     You're darn right. Do you know what the }                         president makes a year? } } HECKLER2:               We need a proof Mr. Quayle! } } J. DANFORTH QUAYLE:     Oh, I see. How's this... } }                         P flies 1 }                         VP flies 2 }                         1 is not equal to 2 }                         therefore P is not equal to VP! }                         Q.E.D. } } BEARDED PROFESSOR:      (muttering) Quayle Espouses Dogma } }           <<<<<<<<<<<<<carrots carrots carrots carrots>>>>>>>>>>>> } } You owe the Oracle a free ride on Air Force One.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oracle,Oracle, burning bright > in Usenet jungles through the night, > what eternal hand or eye > could frame thy fearful... belly-button lint?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Human, Human, mini mite, } In Urban jungles, out of sight, } Human, Human, tiny spore, } I'll answer your question, your faith restore. } } I exist; always have, always will. } With me there was no spawn to spill. } I'm the one and only, no Mom or Dad, } No one to tell me, "Be good, not bad". } } Because of this I have no button, } No dimple down there, I ain't got nuthin'. } And thus, no fiber, no fuzz, no lint. } But finding this out, you'll now pay a mint. } } You see, I hate being buttonless; it makes me mad. } And it's a sorry human that makes me sad. } Your question answered, I'll have one yet, } So now, in payment, it's *your's* I'll get.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> I've never seen a purple cow.  Why not?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} What nerve, I mean WHAT NERVE!  ...Daring to ask of me without at least } a few good sentences of groveling.  Well, you know what?  I'm going to } answer your pitiful excuse for a question anyway.  So There!! } } Throughout their long and painful history, purple cows were constantly } teased and discriminated against by TnormalU cows.  In the T30s, it } actually became the trend not even to converse with purple cows, but } just to say 'Mauooooooooooove' until they went away, alone and } humiliated.   Finally, the purple cows got so fed up with this that } they all migrated to Tibet.  While there, they spent all of their time } practicing the secret arts of stealth and disguise.  So that's why } you've never seen one.  They've all been in Tibet. However....   Just } last week, they all returned.  They are planning to take over the } world, slaughtering millions in reparation for their earlier } subjugation.  But first, they are gathering information.  They are } everywhere. All around you.  Hiding in the shadows.  Let's see.... } yes, there is even one reading over your shoulder as you read this.  It } is probably thinking, "Finally, it is time.  The glorious revolution } begins now.  Die, you human scum."  Have a nice day. } } You owe the Oracle something for this damn machine that can interpret } SmartQuotes.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> If I scream loud enough at my wife, will she love me again?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Perhaps you should ask the question: } } "If I love my wife enough, will she scream loudly again?"

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> How can I configure X11R5 without (the files from) /usr/lib/X11/fonts, > but only the font server ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Excuse me, I'll have to look up the recipe....  Ah yes, here it is. } Dissolve and soak for 10 minutes:  1/2 to 1 cake compressed yeast }                                  1 tablespoon brown sugar }                                  into 1/4 cup warm water. } Combine 950g whole grain flower, 70g dry milk solids (6cups, 1/2cup) } Combine 2 cups warm water, 18g NaCl, 20..40g Melted Bacon Fat, } 80..130g dark molasses or honey.  (1Tbs, 1..3Tbs, 4..6Tbs) } } Combine yeast and H(sub2)O mixtures gradually.  Beat in flower.  Knead } breifly adding some flour. }                               Rise once in mixing bouls, }                                    once in baking pans. } Bake at 176 (celcius degrees or 350 Fareinheit degrees) 45 minutes or } until hollow-sounding when tapped. } ----- } Your X11R5 is now configured.  Get your font server to slice and serve } warm with butter.  You now owe the Oracle a slice of your X11R5 made } from scratch.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> If you love someone should you really set them free?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} After you're all done, of course. But let them beg for it; otherwise, } where's the thrill?

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great Oracle whose core never dumps, > answer me this: > > Why did my fish have to die?  He was the liveliest one.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The answer, oh humble supplicant, is perfectly simple. } } In order for the amount of energy in the world to remain at a constant } level, it is necessary for any entity which appears to be using too } much of it to be removed, so that a creature may come into existence } which will not exceed its quota. It is for this reason that people in } cars and on motorbikes die much more often than those who are simply } walking along the street. Your fish, being unusually lively, was the } unfortunate victim of this eternal equation, and should serve as a } warning to you to give up any exercise in which you may chance to be } currently engaged. } } You owe the Oracle a copy of "How to be a Couch-Potato"