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} Oh dear, you have got problems. It seems you are at the center of
} localized Reality Breakdown. Let's take this one step at a time.
}
} First of all, you seem to have Schroedinger's cat. As your physicists
} will discover in about 50 years, the resolution of that old paradox is
} "the cat is alive, but it has a new tail."
}
} You should not have noticed this discrepancy in the cat, as it could
} throw the whole timetable of scientific discovery into confusion, which
} in turn would have dramatic effects on the entire future history of the
} Universe. Small changes tend to cascade into big ones, and if left
} unchecked this would result in a box of animal crackers being elected
} president in 1996.
}
} So the Reality Adjusters (also called Quantum Mechanics) were sent to
} fix things. These are the little orange people you see. While you
} slept the night before last they attempted to remove your knowledge of
} the cat's change and disable your ability to see quantum reality. They
} thought they had succeeded, and stamped you with the Department of
} Reality Corrections seal of quality workmanship (the blue square on
} your hand).
}
} However, as with most civil servants they did a substandard job, and
} the knowledge and perception which could alter all of Creation remained
} in your head. So the Mechanics were sent to have another go at it. If
} you look at the yellow dots on your legs a little more closely, you
} will realize they have little groves in them. In fact, they are
} screws. The mechanics were in the processes of opening the access
} panels to your quantum perception center (which is in the legs, not the
} brain, for reasons too complicated to go into now). However, you woke
} up too early this morning and they had to leave without either
} correcting the problem or covering the screws back up.
}
} So now not only have you glimpsed the true workings of the Universe,
} you have seen the incompetence of those who run it. This has
} compounded the problem a billion fold, causing further breakdown in the
} structure of logic in your immediate vicinity. Hence the cows.
}
} I'm afraid this is only going to get worse. Next it will be elks
} jumping out of your breakfast cereal, your head drifting off on
} business of its own, and eventually reality will be so mucked up that
} cold fusion will work, ms-dos will become useful, and Jimmy Swaggart
} will become truly virtuous.
}
} The only way you can stop this is to dull your extra-normal perceptions
} back to the dim level that most humans live at. The Oracle would
} suggest several hours of "Brady Bunch" reruns and top-forty radio,
} which is guaranteed to knock out all those parts of your brain that
} have inconveniently started working.
}
} You owe the Oracle a large quark.
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