} I dunno, man, some of them puppies are pretty deep. You know, I
} heard once (can't say if it's true) that just like you can tell
} about a GUY by looking at his thumbs (or his schnoz, or whatever
} else you want to stare at), you can tell a lot about a woman by
} the dimensions and depth of her navel. This rumor got around the
} beach once, and you shoulda seen the commotion...
}
} {Cut to scene of beach. A beautful, tan, blonde woman is
} reclining on a towel. She is wearing a whisper of a bikini top,
} and a thong bottom. A crowd of lust-crazed computer nerds
} gathers. When she rolls over to sun her face, a gasp runs
} through the crowd. She has a tight, firm navel, but it appears
} to run deep. Some money exchanges hands in the crowd, and soon a
} nervous-looking geek, wiping his nose on the back of his hand and
} sporting a tremendous. . . . ruler, steps forward to see if he
} can measure the depth of her navel without waking her. Let's
} watch the action:}
}
} VOICE IN CROWD: "Shhh! Be veh-wy, veh-wy quiet."
}
} GEEK: (Tiptoeing toward sleeping blonde, measuring rod in hand)
} Are you sure this is gonna work, guys? What if she wakes up?
} She might hit me or sumthin!"
}
} DORK IN CROWD: "So? If she wakes up, you can show her who's
} boss."
}
} SECOND DORK IN CROWD: "Yeah, right. She'll probably pummel the
} crap out of him."
}
} GEEK: "Shut up, guys! I'm gettin' kinda nervous." (Pushes
} repaired glasses farther up nose and breaks wind.) "Oh man, I
} always do that when I'm scared. I dunno about this." (Inches
} nearer blonde, who moans slightly and wakens.)
}
} BLONDE: "Huh? What?" (Shields eyes from sun and surveys the
} crowd) "Who ARE you losers?"
}
} DORK IN CROWD: "We're astronomers, ma'am. We're here to measure
} your navel!"
}
} SECOND DORK IN CROWD: "Yeah! We heard that how deep your navel
} is means how deep..." (giggles nervously) "...you know. How deep
} the other part is."
}
} BLONDE: "The OTHER part? I'll 'other part' you, you little
} creep!" Stands up and starts pummeling Geek, who drops to the
} sand and curls into the fetal position, screaming "Ow, ow, ow!"
}
} GEEK: "Run for it, guys! She's got a curling iron!"
}
} CROWD: (Scatters)
}
} So nobody knows for sure, my humble supplicant. The blonde
} pummeled the living crap out of the geek, and no astronomer on
} the beach ever dared go near a beach babe again. If one of them
} ever gets laid, however, he's promised to write back to all the
} rest of the guys and tell them if the legend is true.
}
} You owe the Oracle a copy of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow.
} (Which implies that our geek is a "head"less horseman?)
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