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} You aren't very specific in what you're asking so I will tell
} you something that I am really quite sure you do not know and
} which came into my head just a few moments ago, and is a very
} good example of something of which you have no knowledge, and
} though there are billions and billions of things I could say,
} I won't, because it would be a waste of both of our times due
} to the fact that you would forget them all as fast as I could
} tell them to you, and if you did not, your head would explode
} from the sheer volume of facts that you don't know, but which
} I do, because after all, I am the Oracle, seer of all things,
} knower of every truth, omniscient, omnipotent, and a bunch of
} other omni- type words, living only to help you lowly, mortal
} supplicants that seem completely inept at coming up with your
} own answers but are forever having to suplicate yourselves to
} me, saying, "Oh great oracle, please tell me blah blah blah,"
} which is so very rude of you, since you always grovel so very
} little, and you always forget to capitalize my name, and then
} you just keep going right on, only one little "please" in the
} whole thing, even though I'm probably saving your butt or job
} sex life, and not a single "thank you" afterward, nothing but
} "tell me" and "bestow on me your knowledge" and all that crap
} which I am so tired of, but God said at the beginning of time
} that I had to do this, and he *is not* one to mess with, so I
} guess I seem to have no choice but to continue answering your
} questions, even if the only thing I ever get in payment is an
} entry in the oracularities, and even that is a pretty sketchy
} thing, after all, there are so many questions, and my answers
} are _always_ so good, it is amazing that they can even decide
} how good one answer is compared to another, but they are able
} to do it somehow, and I think that they seem to do a good job
} of it, considering that I haven't seen any really terrible or
} useless oracularities selected, but that may be because every
} one of them is written by me, and therefore is perfect, so it
} is possible that the priests could flip a coin each time, and
} selecting them at random, though I suppose that they probably
} don't actually use a coin, since there are many oracularities
} to consider, but they may have automated it, most likely with
} a computer program randomly choosing them, though I hope they
} are using a better random function than rand(), which toggles
} the low bit each time you use it, so as a coin simulator it's
} about as useful as a hole in your head, which you probably do
} not know what it is like to have, since you would most likely
} be dead if that were the case, not that I would want you dead
} or anything, even though you can get on my nerves, constantly
} asking for help and all, but I don't want to talk about that,
} since I already did, but instead I want to say that I do know
} what it is like to have a hole in one's head, since I, being,
} of course, omniscient, know everything, as I said before, and
} which I don't want to go into again, since I know that I know
} everything, and you know I know everything, or else why would
} you be asking me all these difficult questions, as you always
} are doing, and I'm forever giving you the correct answer, and
} never asking more than, say, your first born child, unless of
} course you forget the grovelling, which you do so often these
} days, almost as if you humans are all losing your respect for
} the Oracle, which probably is a bad idea, since I can be very
} mean when people don't grovel and still think they can demand
} that I answer a question for them, and I usually end up doing
} a bit of hand waving and mumbling of some incantations, which
} would burn your ears, and then there is a big ZOT and you can
} just say, "Hast la vista," unless, of course, you don't speak
} spanish, which is the case for the majority of people that do
} not live in South America or in Spain, but I know you already
} knew that, so that isn't a very good answer to your question,
} which wasn't actually a question, but a demand, which I would
} have usually taken offense at, but since it was such a vague,
} open question, it gave me the opportunity to go on and on and
} on and on and on for several pages about it, and about things
} in general, which I do so like to do, once in a while, mostly
} because it clears my head so wonderfully, and gives me a time
} to just get out all of my anxiety and stress, which I hope is
} not becoming a burden on you, because it's not your job to be
} my psychiatrist, but more to sit patiently and wait for me to
} give you an answer, and to grovel once in a while, and pay me
} whatever I demand for payment afterward, without grumbling or
} dragging your feet, or else there may be a ZOT in your future
} somewhere, and we don't want that, since you have been such a
} nice supplicant, very patient, very understanding, especially
} if you have managed to read this far without losing your mind
} or breaking down in tears, which I haven't done, but probably
} only because I'm the Oracle, and I have a bunch of omni- type
} words in front of my name on my letterhead, most of which say
} that i can do anything without suffering any ill effects if I
} don't choose to suffer them, which I usually do not because I
} am not very auto-masochistic, so I don't torture myself much,
} but I allow Lisa to once in a while, since Lisa does so enjoy
} doing it, and I don't mind that much, since I am always going
} to come out on top in these sort of things, and I'm sorry and
} I ask you to forgive me for that terrible pun, as it was very
} bad, as puns go, even though I do not really have to ask your
} forgiveness, since I am perfect, even though the word perfect
} doesn't start with omni, it still belongs in front of my name
} on my letterhead, which I talked about before, and which your
} billing will be sent on, as soon as I get done with answering
} your question, which I think I will do now, by telling you an
} answer to your request to be told something you don't already
} know, which is, quite simply, that this is a very long, right
} justified sentence.
}
} What? you already had figured that out? Then why are you
} wasting my time?!?
}
} -=>*ZOT*<=-
}
} You owe the Oracle a new keyboard. I just wore this one out.
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