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} Great Scott! It's the bitalarm, and someone's in trouble! I've got to
} duck out of this charity ball as quietly as possible and get to the
} Bitcave.... Pardon.... 'Scuse me.... Hello, Michelle, love the
} outfit... Pardon....
}
} MEANWHILE, IN AN UNDERGROUND CAVERN FAR BENEATH
} THE QUIET STREETS OF THE CITY....
}
} "we need help... come in please... calling International
} rescue..."
}
} "Mmmbahaha! Listen to the poor stranded ninny. Did someone change
} his domain name while he was out touring the Internet? Ha! Now maybe
} he'll learn not to say no when I ask for root privileges on his
} systems. Turn off that scanner, I've heard enough of his whining!"
}
} [The scanner is shut off.]
}
} "What to do, what to do? Shall I unplug his machine without executing
} a smooth powerdown, or just 'rm /etc/*'? Oooo, I love this part! I
} think tonight I'll warm up with an 'alias vi emacs.'"
}
} Not so fast, PowerUser. Tonight I shut you down.
}
} "Bitman! How did you get here?"
}
} I've written a Bitmail program which was able to reply to your
} extortion letters. It was a simple matter of tracing down
} evil.hideout.com.
}
} "Vey clever, bitbrain. But this postmaster is about to reject
} your letter. Get him, boys!"
}
} [Bam! Pow! <ZOT>! Biff!]
}
} So much for your multitasking, PowerUser. From now on, the only
} program you'll be executing is the physical fitness regimen at
} the state pen.
}
} "I don't think so, Bitman. Or should I say,.... Oracle!"
}
} What?!? What do you mean?
}
} "I've discovered your secret identity, Bitman. You forgot yourself
} in the heat of battle. Who but the Usenet Oracle would be able to zot
} a henchman like that?"
}
} What's your point, PowerUser?
}
} "If you turn me in, I'll have a trial. A very public trial, one in
} which I can guarantee that the name Usenet Oracle will figure
} prominently."
}
} It's more of a title than a name.
}
} "Whatever. But of course, there's another choice, isn't there? You
} leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone. Both of you."
}
} First, restore the sysop's domain name and terminal.
}
} "Perhaps you don't understand -"
}
} NOW!
}
} "Yes, yes, very well.... There. He's fine, though why you take
} such interest in -- what are you doing with that cable?"
}
} I'm rewiring you, PowerUser. The Internet is dangerous enough
} without scalliwags like you running around. From now on, if you
} want to read talk.crime.costumes, you'll have to do it the old
} fashioned way. By LISTSERV.
}
} "What?"
}
} I've converted your host, PowerUser. You're now on BITNET --
}
} "BITNET! You wouldn't dare. I know who you are!"
}
} -- and you're on a VM machine.
}
} "No! Not VM! Please! I'll never tell! I'll never reveal your identity!
} But please, please give me back Unix!"
}
} Too late, PowerUser. The conversion's done. I usually charge extra
} for field service after hours, but this time, you only owe Bitman
} the merchandizing rights for the sequel.
}
} "And people think I'm evil! You're a fiend, Bitman."
}
} One last thing. If you have any problems, give IBM tech support a call.
}
} "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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