} Oh Wee and Tim'rous Beastie of a Supplicant, your plight, as well as
} your self-abasement (and, incidentally, your praises to me, which could
} have used a *touch* more grovel here and there) have been noted.
}
} Argh. I hate it when the system goes to Hell like that. I have to
} admit, I've been tinkering with the ol' Arcturian Mega-Cray lately in
} hopes of writing a little batch file that would intercept some of the
} supplicants' questions when I'm pouring the whip-cr... ehr, in the
} middle of something that can't get interrupted easily. Like a board
} meeting. You understand those, don't you?
}
} *SIGH*, you're not the first to ask me what's going on, and why
} is it that my answers seem lame occasionally, out of context. Let me
} explain. The batch file doesn't always take into account little
} trivial things like, oh...dimensional barriers, vibratory plane
} frequencies, astral duplex, and little known things like the Law of
} Baryon Conservation. So sometimes, RARELY, your answer makes no sense.
} It's because it isn't your answer, supplicant. Let me show you what I
} mean. Your answer was:
}
} 6) Beats me.
}
} If you hadn't numbered you questions, the little retrieval daemon
} wouldn't have gotten confused. Plus you mailed that off just after
} midnight, first time around. You have no idea how that throws off
} internal clocks over dimensional datelines. That answer was supposed
} to go to an alt.sex.bondage subscriber at oak.oakland.edu, which was
} fortunate for you because California is only a couple of dimensions out
} of touch with reality. He was surprised too, because his questions
} was:
}
} } Yo! Whoa! Whoaaaa! Haaalp! Oracle! Oracle? ORACLE! I need some
} } serious <*CRASH*> advice, man {*WOMBA*}{*WOMBA*}{*WOMBA*}...an' like,
} } I need it (*(*(*A-HUXGA!*)*)*) FAST! Like, what are those forty-two
} } steps to the perfect climax when tied to a Bustin' Bronco (tm) Rodeo
} } Robot when your girl's got the riding crop, hot oils, and mini-thong
} } monokini ready? Whooooooa! <*Toss*>.....
}
} Well, I was busy at the time, but the database has this particular
} recipe on-line for just these emergencies. For him, it was just a
} matter of sending the point-form note version to get things going.
}
} Unfortunately for him, couched between
}
} 5) Lisa spreads the hot oils all over my body
}
} and
}
} 7) Then she applies the chainsaw delicately to the parts we
} discussed in step 3. Careful now...
}
} he didn't get the right step 6, which is
}
} 6) Beats me.
}
} Instead, he went home that night feeling really miserable because he
} followed my advice to the letter, which just happened to be
}
} 6) Yes, well Supplicant, I can empathize with your girl acting
} like a psycho like that, but your mature attitude in
} questioning her actions shows that there's hope for you yet.
} Your girlfriend, on the other hand, I wouldn't want to meet
} in a dark alley with a live chainsaw, with a behavioural
} problem like that.
}
} *sigh*, well, you can see what happened when he got to step seven.
}
} You owe the Oracle the materials required for steps 8 thru 14.
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