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} >> Oh great oracle, knower of all religions,
}
} Oooo! I *lurve* it when I get dirty talk aimed at me! (I assume you
} mean "know" in the biblical sense).
}
} >> What are the arguements for and against meeting the pope in person?
}
} Well, I find myself somewhat in a quandary here, for you obviously need
} a mystical spell-checker permanently occupying your skull - after all,
} there's *bound* to be plenty of room inside. Before I tackle the
} question, I need to outline the possible interpretations, but let me
} first deal with a mistake that does not result in an ambiguity:
}
} One spells the fourth word of your question "argument", otherwise it
} seems to be a rather sticky and messy disagreement. (You know,
} arGOOEYment, yes? --- Oh, forget it!)
}
} The possible interpretations hinge on your evident illiteracy, and your
} inability (popular, I might add, amongst our North American USA
} brethren) to distinguish between upper and lower case letters. Thus, we
} have the following:
}
} "meeting" could either be "meating" or "meeting",
} "person" could either be "person" or "Person"
} (i.e., one of those wierdo place-names that the USA seems
} to delight in, like "Intercourse", "Temple", or, for all
} *you* know, "Doggy Doos" [of course, I already know, but
} what of it!]).
} "the pope" could either be "The Pope" (i.e., the present encumbent), or
} "the pope" (i.e. a pope in general, or the office rather
} than the pontiff).
}
} So, here are the eight possible questions:
}
} 1) What are the arguements [sic] for meeting the pope in person?
} 2) What are the arguements [sic] for meating the pope in person?
} 3) What are the arguements [sic] for meeting The Pope in person?
} 4) What are the arguements [sic] for meating The Pope in person?
} 5) What are the arguements [sic] for meeting the pope in Person?
} 6) What are the arguements [sic] for meating the pope in Person?
} 7) What are the arguements [sic] for meeting The Pope in Person?
} 8) What are the arguements [sic] for meating The Pope in Person?
}
} This is an outrageous attempt to sidestep my rules by asking more than
} one question at a time, but, since you seemed to display such a
} devastating lack of good education and so arrived at this state of
} affairs by accident, I shall merely assume that you are an unwitting
} ex-student of the Dan Quayle Speeling Akkaddermee and assume that you
} have nothing to gain from the fruits of penal (or should it be penile,
} Dan?) reform. Let me consider each question in turn....
}
} 1. "... meeting the pope in person..."
} Against: Your lack of lifetime. Unless you are about 2000 years old,
} it will also now be impossible.
} For: Your necessary achievement of time travel and possibly
} infinitely prolonged life.
}
} 2. "... meating the pope in person..."
} Against: Your lack of sexual stamina. Do you really want a cocktail
} (pun may or may not be intended) of sexually-transmitted diseases?
} For: Your evident sexual stamina. I suppose you would be merely
} paying the office back in kind as they've obviously screwed up
} enough of other people's lives.
}
} 3. "... meeting The Pope in person..."
} Against: You may not be able to speak Italian with a Polish accent,
} Polish with an Italian accent, or even Italian with a polished
} accent. Do you also want to be told how to vote for "family values"
} in your "dollar democracy" elections?
} For: You can ruin two people's lives for a few minutes rather than
} countless thousands for the same amount of time - unless, of course,
} your meeting is televised...
}
} 4. "... meating The Pope in person..."
} Against: Virtual Reality hasn't yet built a successful or safe
} "power condom". If you dispensed with this latex gumshoe, then you
} would have to go through the delights of a blood test!
} For: Just think of the royalties you might get on any "kiss and
} tell" story you sold to the press!
}
} 5. "... meeting the pope in Person..."
} Against: I think the abundance of coffins and what-not in this
} almost-certain one-road town in the back of beyond would be rather
} tiring to the inhabitants of said shanty-town. What would the
} purpose of such a meeting? Would you include or exclude the Avignon
} Popes, or all the others who set themselves up at one time or
} another in opposition to Rome's Vicar? Genetic tests to see if one
} really was a Pope Joan? This needs careful thought, which I guess
} rules this one out for you straight away.
} For: We could only hope that Person is a tiny place, which the media
} could not get to easily, and that you might all get stranded, then
} us pagans could get on with our own lives in peace (or is that
} Peace, the other tiny American town?)
}
} 6. "... meating the pope in Person..."
} Against: All those listed in 2 and 4, above. Additionally, unless
} Person is a place jam-packed full of Peep Shows (well, I guess its
} one road may have room for one, next to the MacDonalds and the "Carl
} Rogers' 'On becoming a person' Person Institute"), you may not able
} to pursue this in a true monetarist money-grubbing manner.
}
} 7. "... meeting The Pope in Person..."
} Against: All the reasons listed in 1 and 3, above. Additionally, are
} you some speculator in real-estate around Person? Are you hoping to
} get lots of rental from the "Popery Inns" or whatever? I must warn
} you that the hotel industry is a precarious one, where fore-closures
} are rife. Also, I must advise against opening a string of
} restaurants or fast-ffod outlets for the group of religious persons
} - After all, most of them would have to serve spaghetti, lasagne, or
} pizza, with a smattering of Spanish food, one order of Fish and
} Chips, and a similar order for Bortsch or Polish Sausage (see next
} interpretation). The dangers of food poisoning with all that rotting
} flesh and wood-splinters around around not be a good thing.
} For: Well, look at the reasons given in alternative 5. You could
} also ask him what it feels like to swallow a whole orange.
}
} 8. "... meating The Pope in Person..."
} Against: The vast quantity of Polish Sausage that would be consumed.
} For: The vast quantity of Polish sausage that would be consumed.
}
} You owe the Oracle one religious sect, one impure point on the Purity
} Test, and an application form to re-attend Kindergarten.
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