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} WELCOME TO AMAZING DISCOVERIES, THE HALF-HOUR LONG COMMERCIAL THAT
} HAS SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE!!!!
}
} [perfectly spontaneous applause]
}
} Today, our special guest is doctor Gupta Abu-dhabi, world renound
} dermatologist, and he's going to tell us how to remove annoying,
} competitive coworkers!
}
} [unsolicited cheers]
}
} Welcome Doctor Abu-dhabi.
}
} [more cheers]
}
} -Thankyouverymuch.
}
} Well, doctor, what do you have for us today?
}
} -Well, I have developed a topical cream which can be used to
} remove annoying, competitive coworkers.
}
} [Ahhhh!!!]
}
} Gee, doctor, we all know how annoying they can be, don't we folks?
}
} [yeah!!!]
}
} -Yes, particularly for yuppies, no?
}
} [clapping]
}
} Doctor, I believe you have a demo for us. Is that right?
}
} -Yes. Please bring out the annoying, competitive coworker.
}
} [a screaming bound man is brought out]
}
} Well, folks, isn't this just awful?
}
} [Boos]
}
} Now many of you may have run into these, and as you know, they are
} pretty hard to get rid of. Doctor, what do most people do with them?
}
} -Well, many people try burning them, but as you will see, this
} does not always work.
}
} [The doctor picks up a can of WD-40 and a lighter, lights the lighter,
} holds it in front of the can, points it at the coworker and sprays
} away. The coworker screams, and drops to the floor, and starts rolling
} around in agony]
}
} -You see, when they roll around from the pain, they have a
} tendency to put out the fire.
}
} [Ahhs, and Boos]
}
} Boy, isn't that just the worst. You know, once I tried spraying one
} with insecticide, and that didn't work either.
}
} -Oh, no, one should never do that. Let me show you what usually
} happens.
}
} [Grabs a can of raid, sprays it in the face of the coworker. The
} coworker begins to vomit fiercely, but the doctor jumps back just in
} time]
}
} -You see? Too messy.
}
} [Audience gags]
}
} Yeah. I hate it when that happens. So what do you have for us doctor?
}
} -Watch.
}
} [picks up a bottle and an eyedropper, drops a single drop on the
} coworker and he vanishes]
}
} Wow!
}
} [oohs and ahhs]
}
} -Fantastic, no?
}
} Just think of what a single bottle of this could do for your career?
} How much would you expect to pay for this? $99.00
}
} [boos]
}
} $79.00
}
} [shouts]
}
} Well, we are prepared to give it to you for only $49.97.
}
} [scattered claps and moans]
}
} Not convinced, eh? Well, doctor, it seems they want us to do better.
} What can we do for them?
}
} -How about if they buy one bottle, we'll throw in another one
} free?
}
} [cheers]
}
} Okay, we'll give you two bottles for only $49.97.
}
} [Shouts for more]
}
} Still want more folks? Okay. If you buy they bottle, we'll give you
} the free bottle, and we'll throw in a tube of DD-7, a pair of closet
} organizers, and a mini-blind duster which cleans eight rows of blinds
} at once. How's that?
}
} [Screams of joy, with a smattering of orgasms every now and then]
}
} Okay, folks, come on up and get it. And for all you folks at home,
} just call the number on your screen, and place your order. Thank
} you so much doctor! Folks, how about a round of applause for doctor
} Gupta Abu-dhabi!
}
} [More screams]
}
} Well, were out of time for tonight. We'll see you next time, on:
}
} [audience shouts in unison "AMAZING DISCOVERIES!!!!!!"]
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