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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Mighty Oracle, please, I beg you, answer me this: > > I'm working on an essay about the history of the paranormal entity > (commonly called 'superhero' or 'supervillain') in our soociety. Can > you therefore give me a quick run-through of the personalities and > abilities of some of these paranormals through the ages, including the > first male and female paranormals and the most powerful male and female > paranormals. > > Note: I'm interested in paranormals who have made an obvious difference > in our lives, not to (for example) omnipotent deities like Yourself who > have chosen less direct methods if intervention. > > I look forward to recieving your answer...

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} CompuSwerve              ORACLE'S } }   ORACLE'S ACADEMIC AMERICAN }           Encyclopedia }         Copyright @ 1992 }  Oracle Electronic Publishing } }  1 Read Me, Newbie }  2 Complaints?  Are you SURE...? }  3 Talk to Lisa } }  4 Search Encyclopedia ($$$) } } Enter choice !4 } } Search term: superhero } } SUPERHERO } Articles selected: 2 } 1 superhero, historical } 2 superhero, in fiction } } Enter choice !1 } } CompuSwerve } } superhero, historical } -------------------------------- } Superhero (Neo-Latin for "big tough one") is the name given to a group } of self-appointed paranormal crime fighters, typically costumed, who } since Neolithic times have fought SUPERVILLAINS, similarly costumed big } nasty bad ones.  The first identifiable superhero is thought to be } BISON MAN, depicted in the cave paintings at Altamira.  Bison Man had } superhuman stampeding abilities, but since there was only one of him he } had a difficult time using them.  His arch-enemy was SABRE-TOOTH GIRL, } the first female superhero, who terrorized her foes with her powerful } canines, but whose career was cut short when her parents sent her to an } orthodontic shaman. } } The next historically documented pair of superheroes were WALKS } SIDEWAYS MAN and his sister WALKS SIDEWAYS WOMAN.  Born in Egypt during } the 3rd Dynasty, they were not much good at chasing big nasty ones but } were well adapted to carrying huge rectangular blocks.  Their } construction of the Egyptian PYRAMIDS is acknowledged in the many } hieroglyphic depictions of the pair to be found there. } } During the Spartan tyranny over 4th Century Greece a band of } superheroes arose called the JUSTICE LEAGUE OF ATHENS.  Its members } included PARADOX MAN, who stopped foes by proving motion is illusory; } SUPERSTOIC, who could not be injured because he believed pain was not } real; and LYSISTRATA LADY, who incapacitated her enemies by refusing to } sleep with them. } } Meanwhile, dynastic China saw its first superhero in THE GRASSHOPPER, } who confused his opponents both with his mastery of Kung Fu and with } his obviously Caucasian features, but whose chief paranormal power was } the ability to disappear entirely for 30 to 60 seconds at 10-minute } intervals. } } Roman superheroes were mainly pale imitations of their Greek } predecessors whose names are lost to history.  Supervillains revived } briefly during the Renaissance, when evil genius MARTIN LUTHER, his } mind twisted to vengeance by a monastery accident that had given him a } bald tonsure, battled the nefarious PAPAL BULL for the fate of Europe. } } Scholars agree that the most powerful superhero ever was SCHOLASTIC MAN } of 13th-Century Paris, who could create a rock so huge that he couldn't } lift it.  His female counterpart was JOAN OF ARC(1), said to have } compressed the entire Bibliotheque de Paris into a single volume. } } Alchemy, the steam engine, and Dianetics eventually made widely } available powers that once had been the exclusive domain of } superheroes, leading to their virtual disappearance by the late 19th } Century.  20th Century attempts to revive superhero associations have } largely been experiments in failure (see LEAGUE OF NATIONS, AMERICAN } FOOTBALL LEAGUE, EUROPEAN ECONOMIC COMMUNITY). } } Last Page!bye

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh Mighty Oracle, unto whom all hearts are open, all desires known, and > from whom no secrets are hid, > > Can you tell me how to get, > How to get to Sesame Street?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} OK, ok, another professor's 5-year-old child prodigy has grabbed his } dad's keyboard.  But according to the Oracular Civil Right Amendment, I } can't discriminate on age, height, or television viewing preferences. } So, I guess I have to answer it. } } % whereis 'Sesame Street' } Sesame Street: } } Hmm... not found... } % cd /usr/users/oracle/omni-database/atlas } % grep -e 'Sesame Street' streets } on Sesame Street. This street was, unfortunately, destroyed in the LA } riots of } }       OK.  How to get to Sesame Street.  (I hate to break a little } kid's heart). Walk downtown to PBS and hang a left on Innocence Way. } Keep going.  Start banging on the trash cans, and when a furry green } guy pops out of one, you're there.  Don't mind him; he's always a } grouch.  Verbally abuse him as only a five-year-old can. } } You owe the Oracle a tape of the episode in which everyone finally met } Mr. Snuffleupagus.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh repository of wit and wisdom, prose and verse, from the beginnings > of time to the end of eternity.... > > What are the last three lines of this limerick? > >               There once was a man from Nantucket >               Who kept all his dreams in a bucket...

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} There once was a man from Nantucket } Who kept all his dreams in a bucket } When he gave it a tilt } All the dreams spilt } And he lost his ability to rhyme. } } You owe the oracle a coracle.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O most praiseworthy Oracle, whose IQ (like mine) has so many digits it > could fill ten phonebooks and still leave a number equal to the USA > national debt, and whose muscles (like mine) are sculpted so perfectly > as to make Arnold Shwartzenegger look like Pee Wee Herman's little > brother Speck, know you of a cure for arrogance among supplicants, > other than a <ZOT!> ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmm.  <ZOT>ing isn't an option, eh? } } Well, here's a few options: } } 1) Teach Dan Quayle how to spell. } 2) Teach Bill Clinton how to inhale. } 3) Teach George Bush how to read lips. } 4) Teach Al Gore how to barbeque. } 5) Teach Ross Perot how to speak without using the phrase "you people". } 6) Teach Jim Stockdale how to speak, period. } } You owe the Oracle a fourth-party candidate.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Mr. Oracle: > >      I've got another one for ya.  This one's a biggie - It may > just get me out of this joint.  I need a reply soon. >      Earlier today I was sittin in my cell, just sittin there > wondering when I'm gonna get out, and telling myself that that > one night just wasn't worth it.  Just then the guard comes in > and tells me to go on with him.  "HE wants you now, so move > yer stinkin butt," he says. >      So I'm walking along with 'im, and I'm wondering, I wonder > see what they're goin to do to me.  I figure they're gonna > finally get around to choppin' my gulliver clean off, and I was > pretty damn spooked.  Then I thinks they might just be moving > me to another jail.  I don't know what to think about that one > - my prison is pretty crowded and smells clean through of > rottin camel shit, but I got a good racket goin there and > I'm wondering if I can start over in this new hole in the > desert dat they're gonna throw me in. >      But then I sees that we're goin to the palace.  I bolt > off in a run (I know they're going to make a eunich out of me) > but there are guards prowling all around in the place and I get > meself grabbed agin, whit a 'nock on the head for my trouble. >      When I come to, I see I'm in the throne room, and the > Pharoah is there a lookin me over.  Then he starts talking to > me, and I knows that I'm not going to be killed, moved, or > get my nutts chopped off: > >      "Listen here.  I heard about you, and I want you to answer > something for me." > > [I figure the cupbearer told him about me, and it's about fucking >  time he did.  A smooth operation, though, that one - you did a >  nice clean job of that one, yessir.] > >      "I had these two dreams last night - and I want *you* to > interpret them for me" > >      "What if I can't?" > >      "Then I'll chop your nutts off and through you in the hareem." > >      "Uh, uh..., okay, shoot." > >      "In this first dream, see, I saw coming out of the Nile these > stalks of grain.  The grain was strange - not only did they not > smell like piss and embalming fluid like the Nile, but these > mothers were huge.  Then I saw these small shitty things crawl > out of the Nile, ugly as hell, and after a while I see that they're > these small diseased grain stalks.  And the shitty stalks went and > ate the big plump grain things." > >      "How many stalks were there, your high lordship?" > >      "Hell, I don't know!  Six or seven of each, maybe.  Who > fucking cares?" > >      "Uh.. not me." > >      "Good.  Now in the second dream, there were these cows." > >      "Cows?" > >      "Cows.  Big, huge, muscular cows.  Oh, these cows were beautiful, > with big well build bodies.. oh.. yeah.. with big, huge -" > >      "No need to get too bogged down in details, your grace!  Please.. > continue!" > >      "Ooh, ah.. okay.  Then came out of the Nile these small, diseased, > filth ridden cow thingies.  I'm not sure if they were cows are not. > The things were so thin, they almost looked Ethiopian.  And these > maggot-infested cows started munching on the studly cows.  You > should have seen the blood.  Ribs, livers, all those stomachs..." > >      "I see, your royal jackalness.  Is that it?" > >      "Yes.  I told this dream to all my wise men, and none of them > could answer it.  I hope you can, because my hareem is getting > rather crowded, if you know what I mean.  The girls feel outnumbered." > >      "Yes, sir, excactly.  I know precisely what you mean.  Hareem > overcrowding... yes, always a problem, sir." > >      "So interpret the dreams already.  I want this cleared up > before lunch." > >      "Yes... yes, the interpretation.  Quite a good idea, to have > it cleared up before lunch.  Yes, very wise... Can I use your > bathroom?" > >      "What?  Yeah, sure, it's ten blocks down the hall.." > >      "Hey, thanks.  It'll only be a minute." > > So they're ya have it, Mr. Oracle.  The bathroom is getting rather > full of eunichs and I have to get back to the Pharoah soon.  What > should I tell him?  I know you've helped me out of stickier things > before, and is there a way in which I can come out on top? > >                                      Your unworthy supplicant, > >                                      Joseph.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Sorry, Joseph, you slimeball.  This is Lisa, doing triage duty } on incoming supplications.  Somehow you smarmed your way past Orrie } last time, but you're dealing with me now. } } So, mister would-be Governor of Egypt, you were caught running out of } Potiphar's house buck-naked because his wife grabbed your nightie when } you wouldn't sleep with her.  And Potiphar wouldn't believe you, and } that's why you're in jail.  You poor poor dear. } } And Mike Tyson is just a big sweetie and William Kennedy Smith is a } parish priest and Clarence Thomas still thinks Long Dong Silver } is a character in Treasure Island.  You just don't get it, do you? } That kind of stuff won't wash any more. } } My interpretation of Pharaoh's dreams is: Joseph is going to stay in } jail until his butt rots off.  I know you: next you'd be trying to } convince Orrie that a good Jewish family like yours would really LIKE } to take a vacation in Egypt.  Give me a break. } } Lisa } Oracular Consort

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Wise & most venerable Oracle, >       Where did I get the bug that caused this horribly sore throat? > I'd like to strangle the person who passed it on to me.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Oh, at times the ignorance of my supplicants does indeed amuse me, you } see, sore throats are caused by viruses, not "bugs" which are actually } just insects and cannot cause cold or flu type symptoms.  Most likely } you received your sore throat when... } } ...BUZZZZZZZZZZZBUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZBUZZZZZZZZZZZBUZZZZZZZZZZ... } } ...huh, what was that.  Oh well, never mind.  Like I was saying, you } probably got the sore throat from when you were necking in the back of } your dad's car not wearing any clothes and had the window down in all } that cold weather.  What I suggest is that... } } ...BUZZZZZZ CRASH CLATTER BOOM THUNK CRASH BANG BOOM... } } What the?  Who are you? } } "What we are izz unimportant.  We are taking over this puny planet and } all itzz peoplezz." } } You're just a bunch of insects, aren't you?  You can't take over a } planet. } } "Why not, we already outnumber all you lifeformzz combined.  We shall } be victoriouzz!" } } But how? } } "The plan izz already underway.  We shall poizzon all of the human } zzitizzenzz of Earth causing them to have terrible zzore throatzz. } Already much of the population izz infected." } } It'll never work you know. } } "Why not?" } } Because of this. <Oracle pulls can out from behind back and begins } spritzing liberally> } } "RAID!" <dies> } } Anyhow, like I was saying, just get plenty of rest, drink some chicken } soup, and avoid watching the movies Them, Ants, or Damnation Alley. } } You owe the Oracle a new can of Raid, just in case.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> de hep de ho!

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} That is correct, but only when the rhino is in heat.  If not, the } watermelons will not burst at the proper moment, and most of the } radiation will escape. } } You owe the Oracle the shang-a-lang-a-ding-dong.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Orkle, > > my brothur Jason he sais you are a Dog-doo and > yuo haaave a Penis:brain and you pOop in yor >  Pants!! too >   and it smels reel bad! > > (my brothur Jason sais that) > > anywy he lifes at 324 elm St. > > P.s.  he sleeps in the TOP bunk.  be reel > carful im in the botum one > > yur friend > Christopher

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} DAILY NEWS    15 October 1992 } } At approximately 3:30 this morning, flames erupted from the house of } the _________ family, of 324 Elm Street.  They appear to have started } from the bunk bed in the room of the children;  neighbors claim that } they were awakened early in the morning by a tremendous noise which one } woman described as "A sort of enormous *ZOT*."  Christopher, the son } who lived in the top bunk, was consumed instantly by the flames, but } strangely enough, Jason, who slept in the top bunk, was completely } unharmed.  Jason claims that his brother, who was in the words of their } father "An incorrigible liar," began screaming, evidently in a } nightmare, that he was sorry that he had lied to the Oracle.  The cause } of the fire is still being investigated.  Foul play is suspected.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oracle, whose DefaultDepth( display ) == 4096, > and whose screen is 400 megapixels wide, > I hear you use tvtwm. > > Could you mail me your .twmrc?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} ACTUALLY, THE MY GRAPHICS WORKSTATION I } S BROKEN AND I HAVE TO LOG IN FROM MY A } PPLE II+.  WITH A 300-BAUD MODEM.  SO Y } OU SEE, I WOULD SEND THE FILE IF I COUL } D, BUT IT'S A BIT TOUGH WHEN HALF THE C } HARACTER SET COMES OUT BLINKING OR IN F } UNNY COLORS. } } YOU OWE THE ORACLE AN 80-COLUMN CARD. F } AST!

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oracle fine o fine o fine o fine o most fine fine fine, > as fine as a fine fine line, as thick as the universe is wide, > tell me tell me oh yes tell me pleeeeeeease: > > If James T. Kirk and Wesley Crusher were pitted against each other in > interstellar warp-enabled disrupter-equipped garbage scows of > equivalent fire power, which one would win an emmy?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You deserve an Emmy for that rather strange performance during your } grovel.  How did you get the llama to hold still through all of that? } } Anyway, back to the question.  If your scenario occurred during a } film, say "Star Trek VII:  The Quest for Easy Profit," then neither } would win an Emmy...movies aren't eligible. } } So I'll assume that you are talking about an episode of STTNG } (tentatively titled "Pimply Boy Genius vs. Admiral Overact").  Kirk is } mighty quick on the trigger ("We come in peace, shoot to kill") and } therefore will fire first in any engagement, but that Wesley is a } clever wombat and will no doubt warp out of the way.  Kirk will then } disable Wesley's garbage scow with a well-timed burst of photon } torpedoes and used condoms.  His victory will be short-lived, however, } as Wesley will build a 43 terawatt cannon out of some bolts and a wad } of old Hamburger Helper and use it (the cannon) to remove Kirk's warp } drive. } } The Emmy, however, will go to Worf, who enters the fray by command of } Picard and takes Crusher and Kirk out with a hand phasar and some } well-placed boots to the head. } } You owe the Oracle a date with Troi.