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} [Prologue: the Better Woodchuck Bureau, an anti-Oracle terrorist
} group, has set up an intercept to all the Oracle's incoming feed. This
} intercept looks for certain keywords and surreptitiously replaces them,
} the purpose being to aggravate and frustrate the Oracle so that he is
} unable to perform his Oracular duties.]
}
} [Today the Oracle receives a question which has gone through the
} devious BWB intercept.]
}
} > I'm looking for woodchuck networks,woodchuck groups or any kind of
} > woodchuck related hosts which are eveliable by internet(if possible
} > internatioal and company products included)
}
} AAAUGH! Why don't you just come right the hell out and ask it!
} YOOOUUUU supplicants think you're so damn cool, with all your cute
} little alterations to the STUPIDEST QUESTION EVER! First you arm your
} woodchucks with powersaws, and then with plasma weapons, and now with
} computer networks, apparently! I don't know what the hell you're
} talking about; there are no 'woodchuck hosts' on the damn internet!
} Screw it, take THAT!
}
} } Woodchuck this, *o**e**u**e*!
} } <ZOT!>
}
} Hahaha! Ha hahahah! Ha ha! You're eraser dust, cookiebunny!
}
} [Unbeknownsed to the Oracle, his answers are also going through an
} intercept. And so a rather surprised supplicant receives the following
} reply.]
}
} The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} > I'm looking for business networks,business groups or any kind of
} > business related hosts which are eveliable by internet(if possible
} > internatioal and company products included)
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } Woodchuck this, *o**e**u**e*!
} } Be it known to all parties that the bearer of this message is
} } entitled to the sum of $1,000,000, payable from the Usenet Oracle's
} } earthly account in ten monthly installments of $100,000 each.
}
} [And so it went.]
}
} The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
} Your question was:
}
} > Oh great Oracle:
} > Why can't I get laid? I try and try but women just don't dig me.
}
} And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
}
} } WHAT? What the hell does women not digging you have to do with
} } getting woodchucks? Oh, forget it. Chew on THIS, you loser.
} } Be it known to all parties that the bearer of this message is
} } entitled to the sum of $1,000,000, payable from the Usenet Oracle's
} } earthly account in ten monthly installments of $100,000 each.
}
} [Within days, the massive ammount of money in the Oracular bank account
} is depleted, and the world economy gets a big boost due to all the cash
} suddenly floating around. The Oracle immediately disables the
} intercepts, but he is forced to auction off ten years' worth of
} Oracular tributes in order to pay for the remaining $900,000 which is
} coming to each supplicant he had tried to <ZOT.>]
}
} [He then spends a few days <ZOT>ing every member of the BWB, until
} every one is gone.]
}
} [Or ARE they?]
}
} (note to the original supplicant: send mail to the Oracle with the
} word 'help' in the subject line, and read the response in its entirety.
} Thanks for your question, tho; I enjoyed answering it, albeit not in
} the fashion you intended.)
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