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} First off, Odin bubby, don't forget to grovel, even if you are a god.
} Second, I'm impressed that you realize the need for an Oracle in
} Valhalla, home of the gods though it is. Indeed, many of your ilk
} have come to me over the past years seeking advice, as the following
} sample should show:
}
} "Oh mighty Oracle, who is even better than my Father, in that my Father
} refuses to lend me the yacht on weekends, thereby forcing me to walk
} on water when I feel like going anywhere, pray tell me: if the last
} shall be first and the first shall be last, doesn't that mean that
} the first shall be first and the last shall be last, and what kind of
} a moral is that? I'm delaying my second coming until you can answer
} this one."
}
} "Nu, mighty Oracle, who always wears a sweater, and who never neglects
} to call his mother, unlike some children I could mention, I've been
} leading my chosen people in the desert for thirty years, which leaves
} them another ten years before I'll let them see the promised land, and
} they're starting to complain about how hard it is to send out for
} really good Chinese food when you're lost in the desert. What can I do,
} considering that I'm already working my fingers to the bone performing
} miracles for them daily, not that I expect gratitude or anything from
} delivering them from the hand of the oppresor, unlike some gods I could
} name?"
}
} "Hello there, O Oracle, who always knows where his towel is. Look, I'm
} just some writer--although a pretty funny one, I admit-- but all these
} weird computer types seem to have made me into some sort of literary
} God, and they go around quoting me to each other, and calling each
} other "frood," and answering "42" to any question they hear, even if it
} involves woodchucks. My question is, will they ever leave me alone, and
} go back to worshipping Monty Python instead?"
}
} "O oracle, to whom the ten thousand things are as straw dogs, I can
} imagine the sound of one hand clapping, and I know why I came from the
} east, and what happens when a tree falls in a forest and nobody is
} there to hear it, but there is one paradox that baffles even me:
} how can George Bush accuse somebody else of waffling on the issues?"
}
} So, as you can see, my dear Odin, I am quite used to helping these
} amateur dieties maintin their illusion of omniscience. Nonetheless,
} I must turn down your offer. Working for you would imply taking
} orders from you, which would imply that there might actually be
} something that you know that I don't, which would imply that there
} is something I don't know, which is just plain silly.
}
} You owe the Oracle six weeks severance pay.
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