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} Oh, what, you think I _like_ all this grovelling crap? Grovel, grovel.
} Day in, day out. Over and over. "Oracle Wise" this and "Truly
} Magnificent Oracle" that and "Splendiferous One" - I've seen 'em all,
} let me tell you. The fawning, smarmy "it's my first time so be gentle"
} ones. The sexually frustrated psychology student, to whom everything
} is a sexual symbol. The computer geek and his inane allusions to his
} stupid little toys. And then, of course, the computer geek
} psychologist. You think having my sexual prowess likened to the
} performance of a Cray is a compliment? But what I really hate is the
} psychotics who produce incomprehensible grovels like "Oh most splendid
} oracle, whose apples never wear out" and "Most opaque oracle, who had
} the moose but lost it" and "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a
} woodchuck could chuck wood"; it's driving me insane. I mean - let's
} face it - this grovelling tradition is just more trouble than it's
} worth. I can't take five more millenia of this. I mean, you think I
} _asked_ for all these stupid grovels? Ha! Used to be people would
} come and ask their questions, all polite and civilized, and I'd answer
} them nicely, maybe drink some tea with them or something, but then
} along comes this singer named Homer. He wrote some appalling stuff,
} let me tell you. Awful songs about how his dog left him and his wife
} got run over by a chariot and the gods cursed him and he developed leg
} rot or something - anyway, he asked me how he could become famous
} and/or rich. I suggested to him that historical fiction was a
} promising field for songwriting. He really took that to heart, let me
} tell you. Wrote these awful ballads, some of them just _weeks_ long,
} about people sailing around and around and exploring islands. Only he
} wouldn't just say "these people sailed around and around." He'd go on
} and on for hours about how these people sailed around and around, and
} how Hercules and Theseus got in fights over who got to sit on the back
} of the boat and drag their feet in the water and so on - it was really
} bad. But somehow, it sold really well, and he became famous. I was
} surprised. He was grateful, you know, so he asked me if he could do
} anything for me. Well, I said, a little gravel would be nice, because,
} well, I was repaving my driveway, you know. I guess he misheard me or
} something - you know, so many musicians have their hearing damaged or
} even destroyed by playing those amplified lutes so much - because next
} thing I knew, he was announcing to the world via a seven-hour upbeat
} little tune in iambic pentameter about how the Oracle Most Wise had
} demanded extensive grovelling for his oracular wisdoms, on pain of
} death, don't you know. I arranged a little accident for Homer with the
} folks down in Hades for _that_ one, let me tell you. It's caused me no
} end of trouble. Why, just the other day, this supplicant demanded his
} grovel back, saying my tossed-off little answer wasn't worth his
} well-thought-out grovel. I even had to give him back the cattle -
} well, actually, he didn't have any cattle, so I had to take his cat -
} that he - hey, speaking of cattle...
}
} [slow fade to nothing]
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
