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} Scene: The Oracle's luxurious penthouse apartment, high above the
} city. In the darkened living room, Lisa and the Oracle sit on the
} overstuffed sofa, doing unusually--- um, they sit there "cuddling."
} Suddenly, a soft, muffled chime rings out, followed by a soft, muffled
} thump as Lisa's posterior hits the floor.
}
} "D*mn!" cries the Oracle, leaping to his feet.
}
} "Ooo, I love it when you swear in Asteric," purrs Lisa, clinging to his
} leg as he struggles over towards the bookshelf.
}
} "Let go, Babe. This could be important. It's a message on CryptoNet"
}
} "CryptoNet? But Orrie, that's for spies and stuff. You don't need
} spies. You're omniscient!"
}
} "I know." Pulling on a fake copy of "The Prince," the Oracle trips a
} secret latch and the bookcase slides to one side, revealing an
} ultra-high-tech communications center, with more flashing lights than
} the main console of the Forbin Project. "But spies are good for more
} than just finding out stuff."
}
} Lisa's brow furrows in disapproval. "Orrie! Are you playing 'World
} Domination' with Loki again?"
}
} The Oracle grins. "I never stopped. Just lost contact with my agents
} for a little while. Ah, here we go."
}
} MESSAGE RECEIVED - SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
}
} "Oh poo," says Lisa. "That's no secret message. That's just that guy
} complaining about the business with the walrus, the banana pudding, and
} the 9-volt battery."
}
} "Ah, to the ordinary layman, that's what it LOOKS like. All my agents
} use my special Anagram Encryption Code for their messages. Watch what
} happens when we re-arrange the letters."
}
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: AUTHENTICATE HE OF SHY SNOWS
}
} "Aha, my Middle Eastern Agent!"
}
} "He of shy snows?"
}
} "How often do you think it snows in the Sahara?" Lisa pouts at this
} reply, as the muffled bell chimes again.
}
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: SHAH SHY OF A WEE CONSTITUENT.
}
} "Shah?"
}
} The Oracle clears his throat and seems to be fiddling with the
} controls. "Well I said I hadn't heard from my agents in a while," he
} mumbles.
}
} "Yeah, but 20 years?" Ignoring her, the Oracle taps out a quick reply.
}
} INPUT MESSAGE: He was shy of a constituent, eh?
} ENCODING...
} OUTPUT: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
}
} *ding*
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: ANESTHETIC FUSE SHOT ANYHOW.
}
} "Anesthetic..?" The Oracle thinks for a moment, then slaps his head.
} "The ceramic goat! The plot to kidnap Khomeini! I WONDERED what went
} wrong."
}
} *ding*
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: ANESTHETIC WHOOSH, YET SNAFU.
}
} "D*mn!" he swears, more for Lisa's benefit that out of real
} displeasure.
}
} *ding*
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: HA HA! CONSTITUENT SHY OF EWES!
}
} The mighty Oracle rolls his eyes in disgust. "An ungulophobe! No
} wonder the plot failed!"
}
} *ding*
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: WHOA! SHY CONSTITUENT HAS FEE!
}
} "Fee?" says Lisa. "You mean he's trying to bribe your agent?"
}
} "Don't worry, my agents are hand-picked men. They can't be bought."
}
} *ding*
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: WHY EASE SHAH OF CONSTITUENT?
}
} "What! D**n you! Don't question my orders!" Lisa winces: Orrie
} almost NEVER swears in Double Asteric!
}
} "But Orrie, the shah has been gone for years. What difference does it
} make?"
}
} The Oracle glowers. "It's the principle of the thing. I better send
} this guy some assistance." He rapidly types a message and hits the
} SEND key.
}
} *ding*
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: THY ASSISTANCE? O WHEE. HOT FUN.
}
} "Sarcasm?!? He dares mock the Omnipotent Oracle?"
}
} "Maybe he's showing off. Does he have any girls with him?"
}
} "Hmmm." The Oracle dashes off a quick query.
}
} *ding*
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: CANTONESE HUSSY, FEW HOT THAI.
}
} The Oracle's irritation begins to develop into a full-blown wrath.
} "Outside his assigned jurisdiction, and he even dares imply he is more
} virile than I?" He bends over his keyboard. "Um, Lisa, honey, would
} you go get me a cup of coffee?"
}
} "Sure!" chirps Lisa. As soon as she is out of the room, he types
} furiously, recounting some of his favorite exploits. Lisa hears the
} chime as she comes back with his coffee.
}
} *ding*
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: THEY SWOON (ETC), HUH? FANTASIES!
}
} The Oracle begins to glow, and the cup of coffee in his hand begins to
} boil.
}
} "Um, Orrie?" Lisa nervously backs away from him. With the stiff
} movements of barely controlled rage, he pecks out a final warning.
}
} *ding*
} MESSAGE RECEIVED: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: YEAH, WE CONSISTENT, HUH FATSO?
}
} The All-Powerful Oracle becomes ominously calm. He flips a switch,
} types the letters TZO, then hits the SEND key, and waits for his
} renegade agent to decode the message. After a few moments, another
} screen lights up.
}
} *beep*
} AUTOMATED STATUS REPORT: SHEESH, THAT WASN'T NICE OF YOU.
} CALCULATING ANAGRAM...
} OUTPUT: THY FOES NOW AUTHENTIC ASHES.
}
} With a diabolical smile, the satisfied Oracle pushes the button, and
} the ultra-high-tech communications console disappears behind the
} bookshelf.
}
} You owe the Oracle an unemployed KGB agent.
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