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} Little Red Riding Hood and the Woodchuck
} as told by The Oracle through the segment
} Fractured Fairytales
} As Seen on Bullwinkle and Rocky
}
} Once upon a time, there was a little girl by the name of Sally,
} who was affectionately known by her friends, relatives, and the IRS as
} Little Red Riding Hood. We will try to be a little more formal, though,
} and call her Sally, because she really liked the name Sally.
}
} Anyways, Sally was told by her mother to go and give some food to
} her mother, which was grandmother to Little Red... er... Sally. Sally
} agreed, and she was on her way.
}
} While Sally was skipping through the woods, there were a pair of
} eyes staring back at her, unbeknownst to Sally. She continued on her
} way, singing a merry tune.
}
} All of a sudden, from out of the woods, there was a loud roar,
} followed by a small furry rodent appearing from the forest.
}
} "Goodness gracious", exclaimed Sally, "What was that?"
}
} The rodent stood on it's hind legs, and spoke (as if this happens
} all the time in fairy tales)
}
} "I am the ferocious woodchuck, and I am going to eat you for
} supper" exclaimed the rodent.
}
} "Huh? I thought woodchucks could only chuck wood". Sally was
} definately confused.
}
} "No no, mam", the woodchuck replied, "Woodchucks do not eat wood.
} Anyways, it's the wolf's day off, so I decided to fill in for him. Now,
} surrender, or I will be forced to use force!"
}
} "Never!" cried Sally, and she rushed past the woodchuck, and ran
} on her way to grandma's house.
}
} "Hmmm" thought the woodchuck, "This'll require some stradgedy."
}
} The woodchuck quickly scampered off into the forest, and, taking a
} shortcut, arrived at grandma's house way before Sally could.
}
} Wasting no time, the woodchuck kicked grandma out of her house,
} and proceeded to dress up in grandma's clothes.
}
} An hour later, Sally arrived at grandma's house. She walked over
} to grandma's bed, and looked at her.
}
} "Grandma, you've lost a lot of weight!" exclaimed Sally.
}
} "Yes, because I'm STARVING" replied the woodchuck.
}
} "Ok, Ok... Here are some...........wait a minute. Grandma, why do
} you have beady little eyes?"
}
} "Well, ummm... Too many late nights reading books without
} sufficient lighting."
}
} "Oh... Ok... here are some..........wait a minute. Grandma, why do
} you have a pointed little nose with whiskers?"
}
} "All older women get pointed noses... and those whiskers are nose
} hairs."
}
} "Ewwww. Ok.... here are some...........WAIT! Grandma! You have
} sharp little teeth! You're the..."
}
} "That's right little girl! I'm that mean nasty woodchuck! I'm
} going to eat you up!"
}
} "But how can you Mr. Woodchuck... You're supposed to like wood."
}
} "NO No No No NO! I hate wood. Ever since that tongue twister,
} people have thought that woodchucks like wood. I hate wood!"
}
} "Tongue Twister? What tongue twister?"
}
} "How much wood would a wood chuck chuk if a wood chuck could
} chuck wood?"
}
} Suddenly, a huge blast of energy and fire engulfed the woodchuck.
} With a firey yelp, and a loud sonic boom, the woodchuck was no more.
}
} "Thanks Orrie!"
}
} From up above, a loud voice boomed "Don't mention it Little Red
} Riding Hood."
}
} "That's SALLY"
}
} "Sorry..."
}
} You owe the oracle the story of "The Three Bears and a Woodchuck".
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