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} "...in a distant forest, there lived a Lemur and a Cow. They lived
} together in this thatched house, which was okay, since they were not
} only in love, but were married.
}
} "After a while, the Cow gave birth to three lovely Weasels. They
} were beautiful and furry, and their father and mother loved them very
} much. But the Weasels did have one thing wrong with them that drove
} their parents crazy: they didn't like going to bed.
}
} "So one night, Mother Cow is tucking the little Waesels in bed, and
} one of them says, 'I won't go to sleep unless you tell me a story.'
}
} "And the other two Weasels started yelling, 'A story! A story!'
}
} "'Very well,' said Mother Cow, 'what story do you want to hear?'
}
} "'I wanna hear the story about Lisa and her son Hector,' says the
} second Weasel.
}
} "And the other two Weasels started yelling, 'Lisa and her son
} Hector!'
}
} "So Mother Cow takes a deep breath and begins, 'Once upon a time,
} Lisa is tucking her five-year-old son, Hector, into bed...'
}
} "Suddenly the wall to the room rips open (it is a thatched house,
} after all), and the UseNet Oracle walks in. Glancing about the room,
} he bellows, 'Enough of that. We'll have no more stories-within-
} stories. These infinite loops are worse than a whole diskful of
} deranged BASIC programs. Now, the story will progress from here but
} with a different ending and a bit of realism. Let's see, Father Lemur
} will suffer a heart attack at his next stockholder's meeting and die,
} leaving no insurance policy. Mother Cow, you straggle from one low-
} paying and demeaning job to the next trying to support your family.
} Now, the eldest Weasel will drop out of high school and join three
} or four rock bands before becoming helplessly addicted to drugs and
} will die lonely, alone and unloved in a gutter. The middle Weasel
} will finish both high school and business school and take over a
} successful brokerage house and be a millionaire by 27, a convicted
} insider trader by 29, and a reformed preacher by 35. And you, youngest
} Weasel, will run away from home at age 10 and spend your life pulling
} yourself up by your bootstraps until you become famous somewhere around
} age 30 with your best-selling stories from the Lisa and Hector series.
} As for me, I'm off to *ZOT* the person who wrote this story so that I
} can live happily ever after.'"
}
} Suddenly the wall to the room breaks open (it was only made from
} drywall), and the UseNet Oracle walks in. Glancing about the room,
} he bellows, "Enough of that. We'll have no more stories-within-
} stories. These infinite loops are worse than a whole diskful of
} deranged BASIC programs. Now, the story will progress from here but
} with a different ending and a bit of realism. Let's see, Lisa, you
} are so awed by my appearance that you will return with me to serve as
} my concubine. Meanwhile, Hector, you will run away from home at age
} 10 and spend your life pulling yourself up by your bootstraps until
} you become famous somewhere around age 30 with your best-selling
} stories about the Cow, the Lemur, and the three Weasels. As for me,
} I'm off to *ZOT* the person who wrote this story so that I can live
} happily ever after."
}
} You owe the Oracle an illustrated copy of "Hamster Huey and the Gooey
} Kablooie" complete with dance steps.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
