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} "Hey Rocky! I got a letter!"
}
} "But Bullwinkle, you can't read!"
}
} "I can too! Look, there's my name on the envelope!"
}
} "'Oracle Moose, at Indiana ed-you'.... but we're not even
} *in* Indiana! How did it get here?"
}
} [Boris, thinly disguised as a mailman, knocks on the door]
}
} "Mail call! Ze mail truck ees coming!"
}
} [A semi pulls up to Rocky and Bullwinkle's front door, and
} dumps about 11 tons of mail]
}
} "Zee you again this afternoon!" [Boris leaves]
}
} [Rocky and Bullwinkle dig out from under stacks of letters]
}
} "Bullwinkle, ALL this mail is addressed to 'Oracle Moose'!
} Where is it all coming from?"
}
} MEANWHILE, AT A UNIVERSITY SOMEWHERE IN THE MIDWEST, THE
} USENET ORACLE GETS READY TO ANSWER HIS MORNING MAIL.
}
} "Morning, Harold."
}
} "Good morrow, Your Worship. Dost thou desire some coffee?"
}
} "Lay off the 'thou' stuff, willya? I'm in a bad mood."
}
} [tap tap click tap click beep]
}
} $ mailx
} "/usr/mail/oracle": 3 messages 3 new
} >N 1 Danny, age 9 Thu May 13 15:57 41/1421 Dear Mr Know-It-All
} N 2 Suzy, age 11 Thu May 13 16:55 76/3664 i hate you
} N 3 Taco Bell corp HQ Thu May 13 15:57 41/1421 Commercial shoot
} ?
}
} "WHAT the--- HAROLD! Where's the usual 11 tons of mail?"
}
} [tap tap]
}
} ? 1
} Message 1:
} From danny Thu May 13 15:57 CDT 1993
} From: Danny, age 9
} Subject: Dear Mr. Know-It-All
}
} Dear Mr. Know-it-all,
}
} I think youre really funny. I watch you every day after school
} and I always laff. My friends at school say GI Joe is better
} than you are but I tell them hes not as funny.
}
} your friend,
} Danny
} ?
}
} [Harold physically restrains the Oracle] "Sire, he's just a child!"
}
} "I oughta ZOT that kid's PARENTS, that's what! NINE years old and
} HOW does he address the Oracle? 'Dear Mr. Know-it-all'? BAH!"
}
} BACK AT ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE'S, THE SITUATION WAS GETTING EVEN WORSE:
}
} "Hey Rocky, you got any wood?"
}
} "Bullwinkle! You're not trying to ANSWER all this mail, are you?"
}
} "I gotta start somewhere -- let's see, we got 12,000 questions
} about woodchucks, 7,000 about final exams, 31,000 about sex --"
}
} [Boris arrives with another truck] "Mail call!" [thud]
}
} "Ouch! Make that 21,000 woodchuck questions, 13,000 final exams --"
}
} "Bullwinkle, you'll never catch up!"
}
} WILL OUR HEROES FIGURE OUT WHAT'S HAPPENING? TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR:
}
} "PHONY EXPRESS"
}
} OR
}
} "THE POSTMAN ALWAYS ZOTS TWICE"
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