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} Well, my dear, speaking as a former boy (in the normal, grown-to-
} become-a-man sense, rather than the "Geraldo" interpretation some of
} your warped little fellow mortals might have been imagining) I shall
} attempt to hazard a couple of guesses as to what might be going on. Of
} course, I AM omniscient, so these are what you could call educated
} guesses...
}
} The first possibility is that you are suffering from a side effect
} of machismo, also known as the "are you getting any?" phenomenon.
} You see, us men, crude copulation-hungry beasts that we are, are
} continuously in search of sex. However, because of the constraints of
} morality (rarely), health (infrequently), or not being able to get a
} date (almost always) we much satisfy our carnal urges vicariously.
} This has led to an unspoken compact among men, not unsimiliar to the
} "fish story" agreement: namely, that all males shall continuously
} cross-exam all others of their gender about their sexual exploits, and
} grossly exaggerate any such when they themselves are so examined.
}
} That way everybody is more or less satisfied, except the ones who
} get blue-balls and have to, ah, whack off. (Stop me, my dear, if this
} grows a bit too indelicate for your tender ears). The point here
} however, is that, within the male community, being seen actually
} communicating with a female is seen as a virtual guarantee of sexual
} activity, requiring several hours worth of exposition (i.e.,
} invention). Perhaps your male friend simply wasn't feeling creative
} enough to be caught talking to you.
}
} Another possibility (and this is really just another effect of
} machismo) is that he was "bailing out." The term is from baseball: it
} means jumping out of the way of the ball. See, one thing that
} happens from all these testosterone-laden chats we have is that
} inexperienced young males get the idea that females are terribly
} complicated creatures - wouldn't YOU be afraid of something that had a
} "vulva"? This is especially true when you consider that the nature of
} the stories is such that it tends to exaggerate the, ah, physical
} demands of gender interaction. And even that is just a side-note to
} the more central problem of actual conversation. What, after all, does
} a boy say to someone who isn't in the least interested in why the
} Knicks didn't have a draft pick? Do women also tell sex stories, he
} wonders. Do we then talk about sex, and if so, will she expect me to
} be able to do it while Bungee (tm) jumping, like Hank said he did with
} Sheila...? When the young male in question sees a fastball like this
} flying at his face, and him without so much as the conversational
} batting helmet of a clever pick-up line, he ducks. He bails out. He
} ignores you and talks to his friends.
}
} So fear not. The farther he ducks, the more he wants to be at
} the plate (err...though this should not be confused with that other
} popular male baseball metaphor. I can't help myself from talking
} that way; I'm a guy). In other words, he probably is interested in
} you, though he seems to devote more attention in public to his Air
} Jordans (tm). My ultimate advice: call him with a pre-arranged
} conversation topic. (My suggestion: "The Oracle: Irresistible stud or
} merely extraordinarily attractive?") Good luck.
}
} You owe the Oracle the game ball. Or whatever.
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