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} The Usenet Oracle, Grand Marshal of all UseNet Forces, High
} Admiral, Commander in Chief, and Head Latrine-Washer of the
} Internet, crumpled the telegram in his hand. It had warned him
} of nothing he did not already know. In fact, he had been
} preparing for this attack for a long time.
}
} 'Captain Jenkins,' he called. A thin young man with a tight
} brushcut turned from where he was leaning over a battle map and
} saluted sharply. 'SIR!'
}
} 'Captain, send a communique to T.F.Oracle, informing him that his
} "reserves" (he smiled contemptuously) will not be needed.'
} Jenkins saluted. 'Yes, SIR!'
}
} The Oracle turned to the battle map, intently studying the
} contours indicated. He carefully studied the area surrounding
} the current encampent of the Compuserve forces, smiling at what
} only he could see.
}
} At that moment, Jenkins arrived back in the Oracle's HQ. 'SIR,'
} he said, saluting so sharply that he decapitated a fly that got
} too close, 'the Fidonet forces are even now retreating to fight a
} defensive war.'
}
} 'Damn cowards don't think we can win this war,' muttered the
} Oracle. 'But never mind. Jenkins, is the secret weapon ready?'
} The young soldier nodded. 'Very well. We can begin.'
} -------
}
} The Oracle sat behind the controls of his secret weapon. Great
} care had been taken to ensure his every comfort. There was even
} a wet bar available, situated just behind his left ear. The
} Oracle sipped on a dry gin as he watched the Compuserve forces
} close in, yelling and chanting. His finger strayed toward the
} large red button marked FIRE...
}
} 'SIR,' said Jenkins, 'the enemy is signalling us. They demand
} our immediate surrender.'
}
} The Oracle laughed his eerily eerie laugh. 'Tell them that we'll
} surrender when Hell freezes over.' He slightly manipulated the
} control stick, centering the crosshairs on his screen on the
} advancing army, and pressed the red button.
}
} The oncoming forces saw only a brilliant red flash, then they
} were overcome by a great word, written in gold on the sky...
}
} ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT
} ZZ OO OO TTT XX
} ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TTT XX
}
} 'Direct hit, sir,' said Jenkins.
}
} 'Thank you, Captain,' answered the Oracle. Now, he thought, he
} could get back to just answering those nice boring questions.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
