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The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> What are bits ? > How do they look like ?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} A bit is a very small ammount of data, there are many different types } of bit depending upon the application. Examples are: } } Parity bit:   These bits are used to check the validity of data, they }               are very arrogant, and will often refuse to be kept }               in the same RAM chip as lowly 'data bits'. Designers have }               to allow for this in SIMM design, and put a separate chip }               in for them and put it at the more desirable end of the }               SIMM. Parity bits dress very smartly, and tend to travel }               singly. } } Data bits:    These are the lowest form of bit, looked down on by }               all the other types. Data bits often hang around in }               gangs of 8, 16 or 32. Data bits are scruffily dressed }               and are sometimes violent, there have been recorded }               incedents of 8 data bits mugging other bits who were }               peacefully making their own way about the data bus. } } Top bits:     These nasty creatures often run bit-gangs (sometimes }               called bytes or words), and often give themselves }               glorified titles such as "Most Significant Bit" in }               order to emphasise their authourity. } } Mode bits:    These are magical bits, used to set the hardware or }               software mode via an interface. These bits are often }               data bits who have been promoted in order carry out this }               important task. } } Cache bits:   These are the fastest bits around, they are often }               short lived, as cache bits are in the CPU's firing line }               and are very often hit. In some architectures an entire }               line of cache bits can be wiped in one go. } } Permission bits: These are the Doorkeeper/Security Guard bits, whose }               main job in life is to tell you what you cannot do. They }               will often dress in uniforms and order lesser bits }               around. } } Status bits:  These exist on a device to show how important it is, }               the more important, the more status bits it has. } } In general the life of a bit is fairly hard, being driven to carry } data from one place to another, The most that a bit can hope for in } life, is to get work in /dev/zero, where it will only have to carry } the much lighter '0' data around. } } Bits suffer from only one disease, called 'bit rot' which makes it very } difficult for them to carry data, so that 1's and 0's are often dropped } and jumbled. } } Eventually bits expire through old age and are buried without much } ceremony in the 'bit bucket'.  Though bit religion predicts that if a } bit has led a useful life that they will be reincarnated as bits of } unused data in a database program, or if they have been lazy, that they } will next be incarnated as part of MS-DOS. } } You owe the Oracle 2K of singing bits.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> As      the     tempest > drains  its     drink > upon    this    hamlet, > and     in      the             thundering > masque  of      blackness       above > love    lies    a-bleeding, > raining out     the             Bartholomew     Fair, > while   in      his     tent,   the     king > leers   at      his     opponent        across > the     black   and             white   of      their   othello > game,   is              every   man     in      his     humor > making  much    too     much > ado     about   nothing or > shall   I dare  to      climb   the stair, >         to      eat     a      peach, > shall   I care  if      she catches     my              stare > shall   I trade this    black   bile >         with    red     impassioned    blood, > shall   I propose       the taming >         of      the     shrewful       heart > walled  well    within  me?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} WHEW! WHEW! WHEW! WHEW! WHEW! } } DID YOU KNOW YOU WERE WEAVING ALL OVER THE METER OF THE POEM. } } OKAY, SON - HOW FAST DO YOU THINK YOU WERE GOING? } } THAT FAST? HMMMMPF. } } OKAY - LET ME SEE YOUR POETIC LICENSE... } } JUST AS I THOUGH... EXPIRED. } } YOU'LL HAVE TO COME DOWNTOWN WITH ME. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN } SILENT... } } HEY - COME BACK HERE! } } PUT DOWN THAT DICKINSON BOOK! } THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE! } } ** ZOT! ** } } You owe the Oracle a signed copy of John Barthleme's "The Dead Father."

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Which is the right way to hold up a jack of diamonds?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Distract him with the Queen of hearts, }       tease him with her tarts upon a quiet bridge; } When both his eyes are turned, }       trump him in the back of the head with a four-iron of clubs, }       poker him in the side with your black jack, }       call his mother a fool, }       and insult his ante. } Bury the evidence under his deck with a pair of spades. } } Then down some gin to steady your nerves! } } You owe me some more original jokers.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O Oracle, great and wise, please hear my plea! > I must present to you this tale of human fallacy and foible, > which like most mortal tales is one of confusion wrapped in error > wrapped in ignorance, and no doubt runs a bit too long. > > I feel I must present to You all the relevant details in order that > You may judge well and truly; and so I begin. > > This winter I had an idea of how to bring Fame to my name, and > pursuant to that idea, I ambled over to the "Good Luck Foods and > Bait Store, Chas. Woods prop." on Main Street, of course. > > This being a small town, our one street is Main Street, and we have > time for friendly chitchat: so I asked the proprietor for some > ground chuck, and got the usual joke about cannibalism; and he > suggested ground hog, and I said that would be almost like > cannibalism -- since, here in Punxsutawney, we wouldn't even be on > the map without old Phil, our famous groundhog. Every Feb Two, all > the networks show up with sound trucks and camera crews, "working > the woods" as they call it, and do silly reports on whether Phil > sees his shadow. > > My idea for undying fame, and by the way "me" is Nathaniel Works, of > RFD 7734, was to produce a world's-record-sized meatloaf in the > presence of the press; I couldn't get them to come out here for that > but as long as they were here anyway I had hopes they would cover > the event. > > To make a long story short, Chuck and I settled on ground round, > with all he had on hand to be delivered to Fred's back yard while > the media were there. > > Everything went just fine. I had numerous requests from the city > folk for my Grama's recipe, and I enjoyed seeing myself handing out > a portion to Tom Brokaw on the 11:00 news. > > Well, almost everything went well. There were two little things... > > First of all, Chuck's scale was busted, so he doesn't know what to > charge me; and secondly, although I was on TV, I don't seem to be > famous. > > Thus, O great Oracle, I find I must ask you two questions: > > How many folks saw Nat Works' work when the networks worked the woods? > > And, How much ground round was found in Chuck Woods' Good Luck Foods?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Oracle was sitting at his desk when the mailer daemon beeped } announcing another query. } } >"How much wood would a woodpecker peck if a woodpecker could peck } >wood?" } } Of course, the question wasn't asked directly, but was instead } proceeded with a long blather of meaningless information, meant as a } setup to the joke question.  So, in punishment, the Oracle responded } with a very very lengthy shaggy dog story.  "That'll show the } bastards", he muttered, "for pulling that woodchuck reference.  Bet } they won't do that again!" } } Minutes later, the mailer daemon beeps again.  Once again, a lengthy } setup for the sole purpose of doing yet another woodchuck reference, } only not just one, but two. } } This is indicative of a disturbing trend in Supplication. } } There are several possibilities (didja ever notice all of the "i"'s in } that word?  almost looks like it's spelled wrong!) as to why this is } happening. } } 1> the people who ask the Oracle questions late at night are lacking } sleep, since by definition they are either insomniacs or third shifters } (which is a redundancy in itself), } } 2> the overall quality of supplicant is leaning more to the smart-ass } end of the spectrum lately, } } or } } 3> the world is going to hell in a handbasket. } } Now, some would argue that all three of the above are probably true, } and I'd have to agree.  So, now that we've established how the Oracle } feels about these developments, on to your questions: } } Re: Nat Works' work:  Not many.  Turns out a woodchuck had chucked some } wood right through the cable going to the network feed, so it didn't } fill the network feed's need. } } Re: Ground Round:  All the ground round was found bound to a clown in a } mound at the bottom of Puguet Sound. } } You owe the Oracle a shaggy dog (grey and white, about 75 pounds), and } one of Gladys's ham sandwiches.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> !lanimret ym edisni kcuts m'I !pleH

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} The Oracle picks up the lanimret, and shakes it about.  Sure enough, } there's a loose tnacilppus rattling around in there.  He opens a } window, tilts the lanimret, and shakes some more.  The tnacilppus } falls out, landing on his daeh.  The Oracle splashes some horse } liniment on the tnacilppus.  The tnacilppus appears completely } recovered, and says, "uoy knahT". } } You owe the Oracle a yrdnauq.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Mr. O'Racle, whose descendants will no doubt grow up to be > know-it-alls, > > I am conducting research into my family tree.  I have established > that the O'Racles emigrated to the USA from Ireland in the year > 524, more or less.  Even though they totally lacked any > navigational skills, legend says they crossed the ocean in boats > towed by small, furry creatures of the "chuck" species. > > From their original landing in or near what is now Kinzler County, > Vermont (a good trick, that), they seem to have scattered all > over the country. Sadly, only a few members of the original family > seem to have retained the O'Racle name.  (Related families seem to > include several Norse gods, but I cannot confirm this at this > time.) > > My family, the Shoobeedoowops, seems to be related to the O'Racle > line, but at present I cannot find out how.  My question is: are > you related to me?  If so, how?  For that matter, since I am told > that you are omniscient, can you save me a lot of trouble and fill > out the whole family tree back to the beginning of time? > > Yours gratefully, > Daniel Patrick Shoobeedoowop

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Dear Mr. Shoobeedoowop, } }         This letter is to notify you that a Geanealogical trace of your } family has turned up evidence of genetic criminal tendencies in your } family line.  Never before has anyone been able to prove criminal } tendencies are a genetic trait, but then again, we have never before } had a complete family tree to work with.  Thanks to the family tree } supplied to us by our (ahem) associates in the offices of the Usenet } Oracle (TM), we now have absolute proof that all criminals come from } one genetic line.  Currently, all your living relatives are being } rounded up (Can you hear the sirens coming for you yet?) by a } cooperative effort of all the police agencies of the world, and all the } people in prison who aren't related to you are being released. We would } like to thank you for (however inadvertantly) helping us to eliminate } crime by eliminating your family.  Please be comforted by the knowledge } that you, singlehandedly, brought about an end to all crime. } }                                 Yours Truly, }                                 Special Agent Manson }                                 FBI

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Dear Oracle, > > If your IQ were inscribed in a Royal Proclamation, it would use > so many sheets of parchment to write it on >       that sheep would become extinct, > so many feathers for quill pens >       that ornithologists would be out of work, > so much talcum powder to blot the ink >       that all babies everywhere would be sore, > and the resulting Document would be too heavy to lift. > > You have often stated that the answer to all our mortal questions is > the simple number, 42. > > Just what *is* your IQ, anyway?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} You want to know my IQ eh?  Well, you asked for it! } } [Scene: Five minutes later in the supplicants computer lab.] } } A student clicks irately on his mouse button but gets no response. } "Hey, has anyone else's terminal gone dead?" } A chorus of "Yeah, dammit" goes up from all the students in the } lab; one student, though, is being very, very quiet and looking } sheepish for some reason. } "Well" says another student, "I'm gonna get the Systems }  Administrator as the fileserver seems to have kicked the bucket." } } Two minutes later, the Administrator is looking very perplexed. } "This is ridiculous" he says rolling his eyes in exasperation, } "Hard drive space is currently 0 bytes, and this morning we had 10 }  gigabytes spare!" } The Administrator runs a check on existing files, and gasps in awe } at a new mail file which has a size totalling 10 gigabytes. } A quick look at the file contents leaves him fuming, as the file } appears to contain nothing more than an endless stream of digits. } The beady eyes of the Administrator search the expressions on } the students' faces, and come to rest on a guilty looking student } who appears to be trying to leave in a hurry. } "Hold it!"   "Who, me?"   "Yes, do you know anything about this?" } } A while later, the problem has been explained and the Administrator } is nodding solemnly.  "Well, kid, I'll delete this now, and I never } want to catch you causing trouble again, got that?" } } Suddenly, just one minute after the file is deleted, there is a } loud groan from the Administrator as a new mail file arrives with } the subject line "The Oracle replies! (part 2 of 100)".

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Extra Spiffy Wonderful Oracle, who Always Answers Everything Right > (even if the supplicants can't figure it out sometimes), please give > me some good advice.  I'm going to get out of the computer mouse race, > and buy a farm and make my living selling pony rides.  A two-minute > pony ride sells for $2, and costs me nothing except taking care of the > ponies (I know how to do that) and restraining hundreds of bratty kids > who probably want to kick the ponies.  I'll have LOTS of ponies.  Is > my plan smart, or stupid?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} REDMOND, WASHINGTON    Microsoft today announced a new product, } Pony NT, expected to be out in early 1994.  Microsoft's chairman, } Bill Gates, said that "Microsoft intends to be the pre-eminent } supplier of the emerging client-server pony market."  Dave } Cutler, who has been suffering from a severe letdown since the } Windows NT project went to manufacturing, is expected to lead the } Pony NT development effort.  Said one analyst, "it's his chance } to get back at Digital for cancelling their very promising } thoroughbred development effort code-named "Stewball" years ago." } Cutler is reportedly delighted.  "Now I have a reason to scream } at engineering teams again" he said before a Microsoft executive } turned off his microphone. } } In connection with the product introduction, Microsoft filed } lawsuits against the Kentucky Derby for look-and-feel violations, } a certain S. Upplicant for copyright infringement, and a } trademark challenge against the state of Wyoming over their } license plate design.  Stac Technologies was named as a } co-defendant in all three lawsuits "just because," according to } an unnamed Microsoft source.  "We have more lawyers than they } do, so there."  (ends.) } } In other words, most enterprising of supplicants, it is a BAD } idea.  I suggest getting into something less competitive, like } building clones of Intel processors. } } You owe The Oracle a KL-10 emulator for NT.

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> O mighty Oracle, who never listens to pop music, I was watching an > episode of "Beavis and Butt-Head" last night.  One of the video clips > they showed was The New Kids on the Block singing "Hanging Tough".  Of > course, the characters made fun of them, which is proper and good.  The > problem is, when I woke up this morning, I still had that song running > through my head, and I haven't been able to clear it.  What can I do?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Hmmm, "Hanging Tough," you say?  Didn't go away overnight?  Mmmm, } this sounds serious.  I'd like to run a few more tests.  Fill } this bottle, please.  (Hands supplicant a quart-sized jar and } points to the bathroom.) } } (Several hours and lots of glasses of water later...) } } Just as I feared.  A classic case of Pop Syndrome, which is } caused by the organism Topfortius Horribilis, a parasite of the } brain.  Yes, it's quite serious if allowed to go untreated.  In a } few weeks, you'd be singing along with Pepsi commercials.  It's a } good thing we caught it. } } I'm going to put you on a strict regimen: One Shostakovich } symphony in the morning, a Bach cantata at lunch, and some } Strauss before going to bed.  Absolutely NO commercial radio. } Yes, NPR is all right in small doses, but be careful with the } folk and progressive shows until you've recovered.  Here's a } prescription.  I'd like to see you again in two weeks; please } make an appointment on your way out. } } You owe Dr. Oracle $14,439.98 plus tax (U.S. residents), $50 plus } a form (Canadian residents), $0 plus a truckload of forms (EC } residents), or a decent health care plan (Ms. Rodham-Clinton).

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:

> Oh great and ponderous Oracle, please tell me where the light goes > after you turn off the switch?  I have been racking my brain for > months, then I started wondering about this question.  Thank you.

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} Verily, it was not *I* who switched off the light.  Nor did I switch it } on, for do I not bask ever in my own radiance? } } Know ye, mortal, that I am aware of this phenomenon of which you speak } and many others also.  The answer to your query is this:  the light } goes down the nearest plughole, to wit in an anti-clockwise direction } in the Northern and in a clockwise direction in the Southern } hemisphere. } } I exhort you to use this wisdom only for Good and never on Thursdays.