} It is a little known fact that, in the geologic era when all lands of
} the Earth were one land, the masses now known as "Scotland" and "Saudi
} Arabia" were joined as a subcontinent known as "Bonnygondwali Land".
} Here the indigenous tribe, the Bedowegians, developed many strange
} mannerisms of dress and speech. One important fashion tip was that all
} members of the tribe wore a sequence of loose-fitting, wraparound
} garments beginning at the head and ending at the knees.
} Like all enlightened societies, the Bedowegians spent much of their
} time debating the merits and health effects of various human
} activities. Unlike some societies, the debate over two particular
} substances, caffeine and alcohol, developed into a cultural struggle of
} epic proportions.
} The caffeine crowd, often waxing poetic for days at a time about the
} virtues of their brews, affected a dark dress covering the face and
} torso. This had the advantage of protecting against the inevitable
} spills caused by the hand inexplicably jumping 2 feet to the left while
} holding a nice, hot cup of coffee (incidentally, the state in which
} such drinkers often found themselves led directly to the term
} "soggies", thus "Soggy Arabians").
} Similarly, the alcohol bunch adopted a multicolored skirt about the
} waist. The arrangement of greens, blues, reds, and oranges effectively
} masked the strange color-blindness which afflicted the wearer on the
} morning after a long meeting with the Whisky Anti-Defamation League.
} When in the Great Catastrophe of way-too-many-years-ago BC (see
} Oracular Reference #2878635-22, "Human Factors in Continental Drift:
} Did Cholesterol Split the Supercontinent?") Bonnygondwali land broke
} apart, the two factions took the opportunity to go their separate ways.
} The coffee took the high road, the whisky took the low road, and thus
} got to Scotland before Allah.
} But the coffee klatch soon began to feel an emptiness caused by the
} lack of any opposition. While in later millenia this cultural
} dysfunction blossomed into the concept of the "jihad", or "war fought
} for lack of anything better to do", early leaders decided to
} commemorate their noble adversaries by adding to the traditional
} clothing required of all women.
} So, the answer to your question is:
} Under the chador, Saudi Arabian women wear a kilt.
} You owe the Oracle a sporran with a crescent and star.