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} No, I never get lost in the medieval section, although I did once
} become...ah, disoriented in the liquor department at Wal-mart once.
}
} You're right, I have been everywhere (being omniscient, I know the
} best itineraries), and I do indeed have my favorite places to be.
} Here is a rundown of some of the more memorable locales:
}
} ROME
}
} Built by Romulans in ancient times, it is home to a great number of
} ruins and cats. If you want to see statues of naked, armless women
} and men with little wee-wees, this is the place to be.
}
} Pros: Pope-On-A-Rope Shower Icons and Papal Squid Hats readily
} available through Vatican City's duty free shops.
}
} Cons: Presently illegal to feed Christians to famished felines.
}
} PARIS
}
} Home of the famous Plaster, this is the city of LOVE! Yes! Paris is
} brimming with the French, who are known world-wide for their
} expertise in the amorous arts. I suggest that you conduct all
} liaisons in French, however...it is France, after all, and you must
} be considerate and learn the local language and customs. Besides,
} the French accent is specifically designed to make the French sound
} as if they think you are a nematode when they speak English.
}
} Pros: L'Arc de Triomphe, the Eiffel Tower, REAL croissants, babes
} in berets.
}
} Cons: Public beheadings are now uncommon, French fries not
} available in France.
}
} NEW YORK
}
} Da Big Apple! The City that NEVER Sleeps! Night owls take note,
} there is ALWAYS something to do in this town!
}
} Pros: Broadway shows, the New Year's party, street performers,
} David Letterman
}
} Cons: Street performance artists, chance of meeting Frank Sinatra
} on subway
}
} MONTREAL
}
} Oh, Canada! Montreal is a wonderful city. French is the common
} language there, just like Paris, but English won't get you banned
} from a restaurant. Contrary to popular belief, Montrealais do not
} sound like Bob and Doug Mackenzie. A few do LOOK like them, though.
}
} Pros: Cirque du Soleil, French fries actually available, chance of
} exciting armed revolt much higher than in Paris.
}
} Cons: Chance of you, the tourists, being beheaded in armed revolt
} is very high.
}
} MOSCOW
}
} Or, more accurately, Moskva. This city is full of happy, fun-loving
} people who really enjoy hearing you say, "Kazhdi dien, ya kradyt
} karadashi na rabotayu."(*) They, too, love French fries, so they have
} to be great people!
}
} Pros: Priests in cool vestments, great buildings, good
} old-fashioned revolt in progresss (France: take notes).
}
} Cons: Boris and the Parliament.
}
} BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA, USA
}
} The Home of the Oracle.
}
} Pros: Me.
}
} Cons: Kinzler. He was arrested for writing "Kazhdi dien, ya
} kradyt karandashi na rabotayu" on the scoreboard at
} Barcelona.
}
} [(*) "Each day, I steal pencils from work." -ed]
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
