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} [Oracle, wrapped in a chamois bathroom, a fine snifter of
} Burgundian brandy warming in his righthand, dutifully types
} a five fingered message to the inquirant. It is late. The
} tourists have left The Halls of Supernal Bologna, and all of
} the students of The Oracle's Real Mid-Western Bible School and
} University of Cable Piracy are sequestered, each in his own cell,
} pencilling draft versions of future sermons and scams. All the
} moniters are dark save this single screen upon which the ORACLE
} types. He works quickly, sometimes savoring a choice phrase,
} sometimes sipping the warmed liquor. He seems impatient to
} finish this final message and return, for the night, to the bedroom
} (just upstage left) where, the door ajar, one can see the slow
} flicker of candle light and hear, softly and in tune, a woman
} softly humming tunes from _Das Gilgamesch-epos_.]
}
} Hrumph! Don't you think the least little bit of abasement
} is called for? Kids! Why I remember when I was your age,
} how *I* would grovel. But, oh _no_!, grovelling is too
} demeaning for you kids. You get a new bit of hardware and
} it's "let's jot a note to the Oracle and ask for some favors"
} without so much as a how d'ya do, a genuflect, or nod!
} Oh, but we don't care, do we? The Oracle will always answer
} back, the Oracle...
}
} [The Sage Respondant waxes so wroth that he accidentally
} knocks over a pile of code he had set for beta-testing
} tomorrow. From the inner chamber all humming ceases, and
} the woman comes into the room.]
}
} --Oricky, hunny. Come to bed. The wax is hot.
}
} --Okay, 'Donny. I've got to answer this message first.
}
} --If it's Sean, tell him I'm not here. You can do what
} you want with him on your own time. But I swore no more
} threesomes with him. He's too selfish, and whiny, and...
}
} --Small?
}
} --Oricky! You know I don't care about _that_! But,
} since you brought it up...
}
} --No, no. This isn't Sean. Some guy just got a new
} hook-up and wants to ftp you, or hook into an on-line
} session.
}
} --Another one! Honestly, the way I suffer for my public...
}
} --Well, I was just typing out the standard refusal.
}
} --No, no. It's all those dweeky millions without any dates
} that made me what I am. Patch me in.
}
} --But 'Donny, you're not recovered from the European tour yet.
}
} --You wouldn't understand. An artist _must_ suffer.
} Okay. Lights! Cameras! Let's do this on one take!
}
} [A crew of camera men and chorus boys appear. Madonna
} slips on her Monroe wig as the boys in the band take
} up the beat...]
}
} SOME MAY TIFF AND SOME MAY GIFF
} AND TRY TO F-T-P,
} THOUGH THEY ASPIRE THEY JUST AIN'T WIRED
} TO GET INSIDE OF ME.
}
} CALLOW BOYS WITH CABLE TOYS
} GET HARDER EVERY NIGHT
} DREAMING TO GET ACCESS TO
} SOME SEXY REMOTE SITE
}
} 'CAUSE WE'RE LIVING IN A VIRTU-REAL WORLD
} AND I AM A VIRTU-REAL GIRL (OH,OH)
} YES WE'RE LIVING IN A VIRTU-REAL WORLD
} AND I AM A VIRTU-REAL GIRL.
}
} GOT NO REST, MY IMAGES NESTS
} IN RANDOM MEMORY.
} BOYISH TROOPS IN ENDLESS LOOPS
} TRY TO CONNECT TO ME.
}
} I FIDGET ALL MY DIGITALS
} AND SPREAD MY SWEET SOFTWARE,
} BUT THEY DON'T COME WITH RAM OR ROM
} WITH RANGE FOR WHAT THEY DARE.
}
} 'CAUSE WE'RE LIVING IN A VIRTU-REAL WORLD
} AND I AM A VIRTU-REAL GIRL (EH,EH)
} YES WE'RE ALL LIVING IN A VIRTU-REAL WORLD
} AND I AM A VIRTUAL GIRL.
}
} SO I WAIT FOR SOME HOT CRAY
} TO ITERATE MY GLEE.
} A SWIVLE ROD WITH BACKBONE-BAUD
} COULD GIVE ME PARITY.
}
} SO SEND ENROUTE A SUPER BRUTE
} WITH EVERY MOVE ROUTINE,
} WHO'S KERMIT NULL'S NOT TERMINAL.
} NOT CRIMINAL, BUT MEAN!
}
} 'CAUSE WE'RE LIVING IN A VIRTU-REAL WORLD
} AND I AM A VIRTU-REAL GIRL. (OH, OH)
} I SAID WE'RE LIVING IN A VIRTU-REAL WORLD
} AND I AM A VIRTU-REAL GIRL.
}
} A COLOR FAX OF GOOD HOT WAX,
} A SCAN OF WHIPS AND CHAINS,
} THE STEAMY SEX OF HYPERTEXT
} CAN'T SATISFY MY PAINS.
}
} SO HACK FOR ME A MACRO KEY,
} A HARDWARE SETUP BOX,
} AND I'LL PLAY SPORTS THROUGH ALL MY PORTS:
} COM1 AND 2 AND AUX.
}
} 'CAUSE WE'RE LIVING IN A VIRTU-REAL WORLD
} AND I AM A VIRTU-REAL GIRL (YEAH, YEAH)
} LIVING IN A VIRTU-REAL WORLD
} AND I AM A VIRTU-REAL GIRL....
}
} (A VIRTU-REAL... A VIRTU-REAL... A VIRTU-REAL...)
}
} [Fade out, full Dolby.]
}
} --Okay boys, that's a wrap. See ya all tomorrow. Come on
} Oricky, that candle's not gonna wait all night. It'll be
} too dark to read soon.
}
} --Okay, 'Donny. What are we reading tonight?
}
} --Oh, I'm tired of Herodotus. Why don't we just relax
} tonight and do Juvenal? I'm not in a very serious mood.
} And you know what your hexameters do to me..
}
} --Wha hoopla! Here I come. If your fans only knew.
}
} -- They don't listen to me for my brains. What my
} fans don't know won't thrill them. Come on, hunny,
} the water bed's warm.
}
} --Wait, just got to type in one last thing:
} "You owe the Oracle a complete set of Donny Osmond records.
} We had to hock most of ours for the sex change operation...
} Where did you think "Madonna" so suddenly appeared from,
} eh?"
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
