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} The Oracle sits at his computer terminal, typing at hyper-light speeds
} the answers to all of Man's questions which don't concern woodchucks,
} taking some occasional 2-microsecond breaks to scarf a Rally's combo
} meal, two bowls of Froot Loops, and a Dr. Pepper.
}
} Meanwhile, a collie bounds across the rolling hills of the countryside,
} chasing around a woodchuck. She chases him around a tree, across
} a shallow river, and finally into a deep hole. She growls at the
} woodchuck, claws at him, toys with him. When the woodchuck begins to
} show signs of nervous breakdown, the dog ends his misery and <*ZOT*>s
} him. (Guess whose dog it is.)
}
} Suddenly, she hears, distantly, almost nonexistantly....
}
} "help"
}
} (start whistling theme music)
}
} She bounds back across the river, around the tree, across the rolling
} hills of the countryside, over the fence, and into the Oracle's office,
} where she begind to bark wildly at her master.
}
} "What is it, girl?"
}
} "Arf!"
}
} "Did Timmy fall into the well?"
}
} "Arf!"
}
} "Did you bring me another dead woodchuck?"
}
} The collie whimpers, remembering that she ZOTted her only catch of the
} day.
}
} "What is it? What IS it?" The Oracle gets no response. Then he
} finally remembers.
}
} "O Generous Collie, who would never degrade herself by sniffing another
} dog's butt, who faithfully guards my house against invasion and does a
} very good job, who could fetch and skeet shoot a frisbee at the same
} time, tell me, what is the trouble of which you speak?"
}
} Something finally clicks, and the Collie tilts her head. "Thanks.
} I heard a cry for help while I was zotting woodchucks. It came from
} the southeast."
}
} "Well, what are we waiting for?" The dog growls. "O Collie who once
} attracted every Canine on this world to my front lawn when She went
} into heat, what are we waiting for?"
}
} With that, they bound outside, across the rolling hills, around a tree,
} across a river, down a country road, turning north to I-10, then going
} west on Dunlap, until it became Olive, and into the local community
} college where a pale user was staring into his computer terminal,
} drooling on the keys which were protected by a plastic Keyboard Kondom.
}
} "What is it, O Supplicant?"
}
} The user turned his neck, with great effort, since his neck was almost
} locked into its current position. "uh, like, uh, how do I, uh, do
} this?"
}
} "Ask me a question, and I will answer. Be sure to grovel profusely."
}
} "A question? uh, ok... uh... how much wood....."
}
} "O Collie whose tail could wag fast enough to light up Las Vegas with
} wind power, sick'em!"
}
} The resulting ZOT destroyed the computer lab in that computer science
} lab, but the admins didn't mind, nothing productive has been going on
} in there since DOOM was released.
}
} You owe the Oracle the cost of all that equipment. I could have just
} as easily looted the place.
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![[IO]](https://kinzler.com/picons/db/domains/org/internetoracle/unknown/face.gif){kind=small}
